Page 45 of Back Outside Edge

"Ok." I force myself to pull up to standing. My muscles groan at the movement, but I ignore them. It's something I'm very good at, and this is far too important to let them win. Anyway, I have to stand up sooner or later. I can't live on this ice rink, tempting as it is. It’s freezing.

"Ok?" Something new added to the mix; confusion, maybe. Did he expect me to argue with him? I’m not going to, not right now. I don't know how to work with him on this, don't think I'm qualified to. He has so much going on he’d be much better served by a therapist than me. But maybe, maybe I can help him in a different way.

"Ok," I repeat, adding a smile. "When's the last time you just had fun? Did something for yourself." I'm pulling him toward the gate, off the ice, and he’s letting me, gliding in my wake.

“I did spend two weeks touring Europe." It gives my racing thoughts a pause. Maybe he does know how to have fun, and it’s not so dire after all.

Nonetheless, it's time for some more. We can go back to thinking about skating tomorrow. For today, he's mine, whether he likes it or not. "All right, fair enough. I acknowledge you're capable of having fun on your own. But..." I stop and grin at him as we settle into chairs and start unlacing our boots.

"But what?" He sounds rightfully suspicious.

"From now until we get to the rink tomorrow, we're not thinking about skating at all."

Stefan looks over at me, brow furrowed again. "I'm not sure I can do that."

"To be honest, neither am I, but I'm willing to give it a try." It turns his frown into a smile, which is all I could ask for.

We banter about what not thinking about skating entails while we shower and change, right out into the parking lot. "All right, here’s a compromise,” I state, squinting against the bright sunlight. “We can think about the fun parts of skating. Have you picked out your music for this season yet?" Stefan looks a little intrigued, and I give myself a mental cheer. "You do pick out your own music, right?"

"Yeah, I do." A smile breaks out on his face, and I love it. He's back to himself. Back to the Stefan I know. "My parents and choreographer are in charge of my costumes, though. If I had my way, it'd be sweats and a t-shirt."

"Yeah, somehow I don't think that would give the same element of gravitas to your performance." We exchange grins before I continue. "Do you have a say in your choreography?"

He lets out a little huff of laughter. "I don't do my own choreography, no matter how many people claim I do. But yeah, I help with it. And I have been working with some of the Juniors. It's really fun."

Interesting. Have I stumbled upon something Stefan likes for himself? It's still skating, but it's something that doesn't involve him training himself to death. I can work with that.

He looks proud of himself, too. It's not the same kind of pride he shows the cameras, the great Stefan Petryk, arrogant and self-assured. This is different, a more private sort of enjoyment, something he does for himself, that makes his eyes sparkle. The kind of thing he obviously needs.

"Then that's what we'll do this weekend."

Stefan glances in my direction, looking confused. "Choreograph Junior skaters' routines?"

"No, of course not, you idiot." I give him a light punch to the arm. "We're going to work on your new routines and add in some of the transitions we're working on." It’s the perfect solution. We’ll be in the rink, training, but doing something he enjoys. With the bonus that transitions and choreography won’t let him work himself into the ground. It's not quite a break, for him, but it might be as close as he'll ever get to one, excluding the two weeks in Europe. At least not until he has satisfied himself with his version of a redemption.

I will, however, let him continue to destroy me every day to train my jumping. I'm going to master this loop if it kills me.

Stefan smiles, more cheerful than I had expected. "That sounds like a really good idea, actually. Thanks."

I grin back at him. No idea if he's thanking me for coming up with a good idea or for letting the whole overtraining thing go, but I'll take it either way.

Chapter 19

Stefan

After acquiring some food and our second wind, Evan and I play tourist. I take him across the bay bridge—with which he's rightfully impressed—and into the city. His eyes light up every time we approach the water or some historic landmark. It’s enough to make me see my home town in a whole new light. It's beautiful. Though nothing compares to Evan's face whenever he whirls around from some new sight to glow at me in excitement.

It's a casual, easy, fun day. Exactly what we both need, I think.

The only downside is how often I'm recognized, how many pictures are taken, with or without my consent. We convince my fans that the two of us are just friends. That this is just a training trip. But I have to keep my hands off Evan the whole time.

Pictures of the two of us holding hands in public would mean something. Something that I'm not ready for, may not ever be ready for, and I don't think he is, either.

This thing between us is fun, and it makes me crave things I've never wanted before, but we're public figures. As amazing as touching him is, I'm not going to do it around other people.

In a way, it's a relief to return to my car.

The sun is setting behind us when we cross the bay bridge back to Oakland, and Evan turns to watch the silhouette of the city. For so long that I offer to find a place to park on the opposite shore. He just laughs, shaking his head, but he keeps looking back.