Page 48 of The Cost of Love

The whole time Chanice and Imani sit silently. Sometimes I feel their eyes on me, watching how I am with her.

At some point, tiredness kicks in, and Gabby starts to fall asleep leaning on my arm. I can’t look away from her, honored that she likes me enough to sleep next to me. She opens an ache inside of me that I didn’t previously have. I never thought of kids outside of the context of needing to have them out of obligation. But for once, I ask myself if I might want them for my own reasons.

Chanice is about to walk over and come get her when a doctor walks into the room. He calls out for the family of Jamal Jones, and she pops up. He takes her into the hallway, and I can see Imani fighting with herself not to follow. I want to go too and see if there is anything I can do to help. They stay out for a few minutes before they walk back in.

“I would recommend him having a skin graft in the next few days,” the doctor says.

“Another surgery? Really?” Her voice quivers on the last word.

“He doesn’t have to have one, but it will just take longer to heal, and it might not heal right. But it can still heal without it.”

Imani starts crying again, and Chanice’s breath sounds shallow.

“You have a few days to think about it, but you can see him now.” With that, he walks away, leaving her with a choice.

Imani and Chanice are about to leave when she turns back and comes and grabs up Gabby. All three of them go, and I’m left sitting there with a pit in my stomach.

It’s 8 a.m. and I’m supposed to be at work, but I can’t imagine leaving at this point. Not until I know she is okay.

An hour later, she walks back into the room with the girls and Jessie by her side. Gabby is still sleeping in Chanice’s arms, and I wonder if I should offer to take them back to my place. I don’t, because I’m a man that she barely knows.

“Do you want me to wait here for news while you guys go get some sleep?” I suggest instead.

“Jessie is going to take the girls home.”

Jessie gives me a thumbs up and points at Chanice, clearly indicating what I should focus on.

Passing Gabby to Jessie, Chanice gives Imani a hug before sending them on their way. When they are out of sight, her shoulders finally curve in, the weight of everything pushing on them. No longer needing to put on a brave face, she lets herself crumple, her eyes shining.

I shoot up from my seat and walk up to her, pulling her into my arms the way I’ve been wanting to since we showed up. The tight grasp of her gripping onto me shows how much she needed this. She silently shakes as she cries, pressing her face into my chest.

I don’t have words that will make this better. I don’t even fully know what is going on. All I can do is hold her until I feel her breathing even out again.

“I’m sorry.” She pulls back and wipes her sleeve across her eyes.

“You have nothing to be sorry for.”

“I just fell apart in your arms, and you barely even owed me a ride. This is so much more than what we agreed on.” The fact that she can’t see that all of this is common decency is mind-boggling.

Giving her a ride, a hug, a sliver of support is the least I can do as a man asking for continued access to her body. Strings or no strings, she has to know someone would owe her more than indifference in a situation like this.

“I’m not doing anything special by giving you a hug.”

She still looks at me like I am, and I have to wonder, again, what her life has been up to this point to make her feel this way.

“What do you need?” I rub a hand up and down her back, still trying to soothe away any lingering tears.

“I’m going to go sit in his room until he wakes up. There is nothing you can do right now.”

“Are you sure?” I want to stay by her side until this is resolved, but I don’t want to impose.

“Yes, thank you. I really appreciate you being here.” Her arms linger around me, and I can tell she wants another hug, so I pull her in again. This one lasts even longer, and she seems reluctant when she steps back.

“Please call me if you need anything, I mean anything at all.” I hold her far enough away that I can look into her eyes. Trying to relay how serious I am.

She nods, and I can see something cross her mind before she shakes her head.

“If you’re worried about taking the time off—”