Page 54 of The Cost of Love

“You have certain obligations and expectations. It’s not that I don’t think you can do this. I just don’t understand why you would.”

I try to find the words to explain my logic, but find myself lacking. I don’t know how to tell him that I am drawn to the possibility of what we might become. The kids included, this can be everything I want it to be, full of the type of love so easily displayed on all of their faces.

From the beginning, Chanice hasn’t requested me to be anything but myself, accepting what I show her at face value. I haven’t found that kind of ease since I met Carter.

My worries shake out in my leg as he joins me again. Trying to settle on the right turn of phrase, I let my mouth say the first thing that comes to mind.

“This is a chance for me to have a part of the life I’ve always wanted. Genuine love and acceptance with no strings attached.” I have always had to be someone I’m not. I’m doing it now by playing the role of a dutiful son, eager to take on his family business. I need someone who won’t expect me to oblige the expectations he speaks of to a fault.

“And you must do this with them?”

“I don’t know, but it’s worth seeing where this goes.”

Resigned, he sits back in his seat. Tapping his fingers against his stomach, he thinks on it all.

“Well, you have always gone against the grain. I don’t know why I’m surprised that it would result in this. I just hope you know what you’re doing.”

Unsure of what I need to be wary of, I’m still ready to face it all. Especially if it means in the end I find the family that has evaded me since childhood.

Chapter 22

Chanice

The air is crisp this morning, blowing my hair out of my face as I walk. I’m thankful for the jacket I thought to bring, and the overall fat that coats my body like a glove. It staves off the cold until I make it to my destination.

“Lenny,” I call out as I make my way into the pizza shop.

He is behind the counter with his apron on, sprinkling cheese onto some saucy dough. He acknowledges my greeting with a head nod before returning to what he is doing. Taking a seat at the back, I wait for him to be done.

“What’s up, kid? You wanted to meet.” He slides across from me and takes off his hairnet, setting it on the table. Scratching his barely-there beard, he waits for me to speak.

“Look, I know you gave us three months, but I was hoping we could work out a deal where we stay. I’m willing to pay more.” My gut flips like it’s turning away from this sad scene. Even it doesn’t want to see the desperation clearly laid out on my face. He seems to take my declaration in stride, really thinking it over.

“Can you do five hundred more?”

Hysteria has me holding back a laugh. I expected to have to negotiate, but the starting place has me feeling weary.

“I have rented from you for almost seven years. Have I ever given you a problem?”

Sure, he took a chance on a sixteen-year-old girl with three roommates and a part-time job, but I made it worth his while. When they moved on or moved out, I always found someone to take their place. And when I got the kids, I stepped up and took on the lease all on my own. I’m a good tenant.

“You’re great. I love you, honestly. It’s just, I really do have this family coming to town, and they are willing to pay more than you do now.” He looks around his shop before coming back to me. The look he gives isn’t entirely grim, and a part of me feels like he is on my side.

“What about an extra two hundred. Will that work?” I ask.

Maybe I should have read an article or something on this. Gotten some sort of idea on how to approach these types of talks. I feel like I’m failing just based on his next words.

“Best I can do is three-fifty. And that is only because I like you a hell of a lot better than I like my cousin.” The chair creeks as he leans back on it, rocking a little.

My stomach flips again, rejoining the conversation. Hope flutters in it at the possibility of making this work. That’s just an extra eighty-seven pounds a week, and with two jobs, surely I can make that work.

“You have a deal, but give me to the start of December for the first payment.” Pressing my luck, I try to give him my best smile.

Maybe if he sees how adorable I am, he will remember that he has known me since I was a teenager. Back when he let me pick up a shift or two here to make ends meet. Realistically, I probably should have come to him sooner. But then again, he didn’t do me the courtesy of saying it to my face.

“I don’t know, kid.”

“Please.” I place my hands in a pleading motion, leaning more into his line of vision.