Page 76 of The Cost of Love

“Wait, that wasn’t the end?”

I shake my head and take a big breath. “Our parents came after speaking to him. I’ve never had a high opinion of them, but it hit a new low when they told her to go back to him.”

“What?”

“Mhm. That was the moment I realized they didn’t care about us at all.” I close my eyes, the memory still so fresh, even though it was years ago. That heart-stopping minute when our father turned to her and told her she was still supposed to marry him. A man who put his hands on her. A man she didn’t love. I think that was the moment that broke my own perception of our life. It shifted the way I saw everything, and it’s the reason I can’t see things any differently.

“They looked at us like we were the disappointment. I still don’t think my sister understands how fucking little they showed they loved us that night. Everything they did after that was just another nail in the coffin that held my feelings for them. My father was dead to me long before we buried him, and I only speak to my mother because Liv asks me to. I refused to fix my nose to remind them, and everyone else, about the reality of that whole situation. They can pretend she doesn’t exist, but they have to face it when they look at me.”

My jaw hurts from how much I’m clenching it. It’s not until she runs her fingers down it that I even begin to relax.

“I thought you were sexy before, but now you’re damn near irresistible.” She kisses my nose, trailing from the tip to the crooked part. When she’s done, she asks me about my sister.

I tell her all of my favorite stories of Liv, from the riot she caused at her boarding school due to the food options, to the time she learned Italian just to be able to converse to get better deals than our mother while shopping in Milan. Everything I say paints a picture of the funny, patient, and loving woman who deserves more than what others have deemed her worthy of. I see with each word Chanice growing fond of her, and it just makes me love this woman even more.

“It’s crazy how such bad parents can produce such good kids,” she says, resting her head on my shoulder. “Our siblings are so lovable, and yet we have to constantly remind them that they are worth more than the low-rate affection they have been given.”

“You know you deserve more, too, right?” I ask.

“I’m starting to,” she says, looking into my eyes.

Wrapped in the sheets that are messy from our lovemaking, surrounded by the raw truth of our childhood, I need her to know how much she means to me.

“In case you ever question it, please know that I love you,” I whisper the words against her forehead.

I feel her stop breathing before she lets out a big breath and a watery laugh.

“Say it again.”

“I love you.”

“Alex.”

“Chanice,” I lift up so I am looking into her eyes. “You are the strong, undefinable, light that has been missing from my life. Everything was black and white until the color of your presence reminded me of the beauty of this world. I love you as you are, including your scars. I love how much you love your siblings. I love how hard you fight in life. I love you.”

She sighs again, and her eyes close, tears pooling in the corners. I flip her onto her back and say the words as I trail down her body. When I get to the center between her legs, I spell the words out with my tongue.

When she comes, I hope it’s with a new understanding of how I feel about her.

Chapter 30

Chanice

He had to leave before I woke up, but his words linger even with his presence gone. I feel them on my skin, I see them float through the room, and I taste them on my tongue as I repeat them over and over again. He loves me.

Me, a woman who has been so sharpened by life that trying to hold her comes at the risk of being cut. Me, who seems incapable of giving anything beyond my body. He has taken every little piece I have shared and added them up enough to create a person worth loving. Even the frayed and broken parts that I haven’t even learned to like.

I never knew that being loved by someone could feel like this. For once in my life, I feel seen for more than what I can do for someone. I have nothing but myself to offer to him, and it’s enough. I’m enough. Never for my mom, never for this world, but to him I am everything.

This is further driven home by the painting of me hanging above his bed. Finally, having filled the space, he thought this part of his world should showcase how he sees me.

I swirl in the sheets and wrap them tighter around me as I fight the giggles pouring out of my mouth. For the first time ever I feel as young as I am, and that means I’m a blushing twenty-something-year-old who is infatuated with a man.

I know I love him, too. I’ve known since the moment I thought I might lose him. But how do I tell him in a way that makes him feel it as thoroughly as I do? With every action, he has spelled out the word, and now it’s my turn to give him the same.

I start by cleaning up the room, setting things right. Then I rush out to the store to buy everything I need. Having my own key card, I come back with no problems and start cooking.

By the time I hear the elevator, I’m almost done.