Page 82 of The Cost of Love

I feel myself getting lost in my own feelings as I look over at Chanice. She is already looking at me, her own eyes holding so much.

“He did the same thing, you know. I worked for hours at the event we met at, and he was the first person to say thank you.” Chanice grabs my arm and squeezes.

“Apparently, we are very lovable for being decent people,” Liv says, laughing.

I join her.

“You don’t understand how much a gesture matters when so few people do them for you,” Chanice says.

Mei agrees, and my sister and I share a smile, somewhat understanding where they are coming from.

Liv goes on to tell us about all the secret looks and moments between them, like when they sat in her closet and ate ice cream after Liv had her first big fight with her fiancé. Or how Mei taught Liv how to knit while watching a K-drama. Through each little memory, they show us how they got to this point.

“Eventually, she just became everything to me. Worth so much more than what I already had.” Liv can’t help her teary eyes.

Watching my sister give it all up for this, for herself, always awed me. But each moment I spend getting to be myself with the woman I love, I get it. This has more value than all of the money and things.

Looking at the three of them, the family I have, I feel so grateful. It was always me and Liv against everything. This world, our parents, and all of our requirements. But how could we fight when we were both coming from the same place? We didn’t know anything else. But eventually she did, and now I do too.

After that, we pass the rest of the meal talking about who’s making what for Christmas. Then I join my sister in putting Theo down.

“So?” I ask.

“I love her. I love you with her.” She strokes her son’s head before turning towards me.

“Yeah?” I bounce on my toes.

“I was worried about the age difference, but her being a parent figure has aged her. Even more so than you or me.” She looks beyond me, like she can see the woman she is talking about. “Are you sure you’re ready to take on that kind of responsibility? Having Theo is a lot, and there is only one of him, and he can’t do anything on his own. But three kids, Alex.” She sighs.

I look at my nephew, this tiny human who came from her and holds a piece of who she is. I may never have that. Will her siblings be enough? Will I be enough for them?

“I already feel myself starting to love them. Wanting to be in their life is an easy yes. I just have to step up and be worth them. Plus, they and Theo might be my only experience with kids. Chanice might not want any.”

Liv steps back and crosses her arms. The smile she has been holding all evening falls.

“I get why she wouldn’t, but are you okay with that? Is that what you want?”

I want her more than anything else. I’ll take her over everything.

“It was always a given that we would have kids. A boy to take on the legacy. But I don’t want to have kids for that purpose alone, and I don’t want to force them into this role. So I’m trying to conclude if I want them for any other reason, and so far I’ve determined that I don’t think I need them to feel complete.”

Family means so much more than the standard two parents and two-point-five kids. Already, the one Liv has looks nothing like the lineage we came from. If this is what it is, then it should be enough for me.

“The only thing that makes me second-guess that decision is me being the one to end over a century of the Whitmores owning the company. What would Grandad think?” I flinch at the thought alone and rub the back of my neck.

Stepping closer, she pulls me into her arms and squeezes me tight.

“Don’t worry about any of that. This succession isn’t just on your shoulders. I plan on having more kids, and surely one of them will want a guaranteed job. Just worry about what you need.”

I try to give in to her words, but it’s not lost on me that she didn’t answer the question. She couldn’t reassure me that it wouldn’t matter to the person who used to matter most to me, and that makes me completely uncertain all over again.

We hug until Mei comes to get us, and then soon I find myself in the car with Chanice, our hands clasped together.

“That was nice,” she says while looking over at me. “Your sister is just as you described her. Fierce and beautiful.”

“I’m glad you liked her.”

She sighs and rests her head on my shoulder. “I can’t believe this is happening. I can’t believe that I’m in love and meeting the person’s family. Everything since I met you has been so surreal.”