Page 85 of The Cost of Love

“From what you’ve told me about him, I don’t think he would have picked this for you. I think he probably had every art project you ever did hung up on his fridge in his house, and he would have bought the first piece you made. I think his love would have outweighed his expectations.”

It sounds so definitive when she says it, like it’s all a fact. Even though he hung our art in his office, he also took me to work in the summer and introduced me to everyone as the future of this company. So, in the end, I’ll never know.

“I’m thinking of walking away,” I say, if only to hear the words out loud. Never having spoken them to anyone, I give voice to my hidden thoughts.

“This is your one life. You have to do what feels right to you. When the end comes and you’re thinking over your mistakes and regrets, do you really want one this big?”

I choke on her words as they shove their way into my chest. I don’t breathe for the full two minutes that we sit in silence. There are no words to express how much that reality scares the hell out of me.

She yawns, making me realize how late it is. We both have to work tomorrow, and she has the added responsibility of making sure the kids are ready in the morning. So I lift her in my arms and carry her to what I hope one day is our room.

The next morning, the kitchen is filled with so much chatter I don’t know if I can go back to the silence that usually starts my day. Chanice is singing as she cooks breakfast, and Imani and Jamal are arguing over his homework answers. I’m talking to Gabby, who has a story about every single person in her school. She seems to know everyone, and is somehow best friends with each one of them. So it comes as a surprise when she announces that she doesn’t want to go today.

“You have to,” Chanice says.

“But I never miss, and it’s Friday. Can I please miss today?” She looks at her siblings for backup, but Imani throws her hands up and looks back at Jamal’s paper.

“I want to go to school. I have a test today,” Jamal says.

“I have to work. There would be no one to watch you.” Chanice plates up the food and passes it to her, like that is the end of the conversation.

Gabby begs through the whole meal, and by the end, Chanice is sighing out loud.

“Please,” Gabby says one last time. She looks so distraught, it’s absolutely adorable. I can’t watch her hope be crushed.

“She can come with me to work,” I say before Chanice can say no again.

“What?” Chanice turns towards me and puts her hands on her hips.

“Our company has a policy against meetings on Fridays. I have a pretty open day so I can take her with me.”

“Won’t that be boring?” Jamal asks.

“Not for me. Can I please go?”

Chanice looks back and forth between us before her eyes lock onto mine.

“Are you sure?” she asks.

My nodding seems to be enough for her. They take off to go to their places, and I take Gabby in my car with me. The whole ride, she talks about how excited she is, and I can’t help but feel the same way. I wonder if this is how my grandfather felt when he would take me, like he was letting me into a part of his world that no one had seen.

I just hope she sees the office the way I did before I realized it was going to be my future prison.

She at least seems to look at it as an adventure as I bring her in and show her around. The breakrooms with free pastries and tea entice her, even though she just ate. But I let her indulge in a chocolate croissant.

After she is done, I introduce her to some execs and my assistant, whom she quickly charms. Talking to each person we come across, she soon has friends popping in and out of my office just to talk to her.

It takes an hour for things to calm down, and once it does, she turns all of her attention to me.

“So what is it you do to have such a big office?” Walking around the space with her arms thrown out, she stops in front of the wall of windows and stares at the skyline.

“Well, I run the company and manage its success.”

“How much does something like that pay?”

“A lot. Too much, honestly.”

“I want to know more.”