Page 31 of Jacob Michaels is Not Crazy

“Why does it make me anything?” His brow furrowed. “You seem awfully concerned with the arbitrary characteristics of everyone around you.”

“I wouldn’t call that arbitrary but a very big part of who you are and what makes you who you are, Lucas.”

“What are you?” He actually snapped.

My neck jerked back.

“Sorry.” He looked down.

“I don’t know who I am,” I said evenly. “I couldn’t even begin to tell you who I am, Lucas.”

With that, I turned and continued the journey towards the lake. After a few moments, I heard the shuffle of other footsteps through the loose snow and I knew Lucas was following. We didn’t speak again on our journey through the snowy woods, but once we exited the other side, the shore less than ten yards away, Lucas came to stand beside me.

“Do you ever feel like Robert Wagner and Jacob Michaels are not all you are?” Lucas asked gently. “But you can’t put your finger on it?”

My head turned of its own accord to look at him.

“Yes.” I shrugged. “And no.”

“Explain. Please.”

“I’m Robert Wagner. Robert the youngest.” I said. “My parents are gone. My Oma raised me. I grew up in a household with weird shadows and weird happenings. I ran away at sixteen to join the circus, essentially. When I don’t know who I am—it’s a developmental thing. A personality quirk. I don’t know how I feel about relationships and love and sex and whether or not I know the people nearest and dearest to me as well as I thought. I don’t know what I want to do with the rest of my life. I don’t wonder if there’s a hyphen at the end of ‘human’. That’s what I mean.”

Lucas looked out towards the lake, thoughtfulness and concerned etched on his face. Maybe he was starting to get a hint at the mess of a guy he was trying to build a relationship with. Was he concerned that he was making a bad choice in trying to make our relationship into something more—or was he just concerned for me? I didn’t know. And I wasn’t sure that I wanted to know. Nothing would have upset me more in that moment than knowing that he had changed his mind about caring about me in that way. I didn’t want my own hang-ups to make Lucas run away. I wasn’t sure that I cared for Lucas in the same way that he said he cared for me—but I didn’t want to lose him either. Which was crazy. I barely knew him, after all.

“Why can’t you just accept that you know who I am, Rob?” He asked softly, his face still turned towards the lake. “I mean, why does it matter if I have some weird premonitions? I don’t turn hairy at the full moon. I’m not going to try and attack you. I don’t have any ulterior motives. I’m not some creature of the night. I just have some quirks. Just like everyone else.”

“Because I haven’t lived with this knowledge for as long as you have, Lucas,” I replied. “I didn’t know werewolves were real. I didn’t know that Oma was a witch. I didn’t know that one day I would say those words so casually and not mumble incoherently at the craziness of it all. I’m trying to adjust. And the only way I can do that is by asking questions. Trying to quantify and validate all of this new information.”

“I suppose so.” He sighed.

“Staying with me…I mean, doing this…is not going to be easy for me.” I shivered at the feeling of being nearly knee deep in snow as we stood there. “Or for you. You seem to have knowledge about a world I’ve only just discovered. It’s normal for you. It’s not for me. It’s going to be confusing and weird for a while. If that bothers you…”

“What is that?”

“I just meant that—”

“No.” He interjected. “That.”

Looking over at Lucas I saw, even in the low light that the moon provided, that he was staring off west along the shore of the lake. With a frown, I followed his gaze, looking for whatever it was that he was seeing. Finally, my eyes landed upon a figure standing out all alone on the shore, on one of the higher overlooks over the lake. It was about twenty yards away from our position on the shore. All alone and cast in shadow, the figure seemed to be doing a weird jig of some kind or thrashing uncontrollably. My eyes grew wide as I watched the gangly figure doing its weird dance on the overlook, wondering who in the hell, besides Lucas and me, would be out by the lake on such a cold, snowy night.

“What is he…”

“I don’t know,” Lucas whispered back.

We both watched with morbid fascination as the figure “danced” a few moments longer, then seemed to lose its footing. As if in slow motion, the figure tumbled off of the overlook and plunged towards the water as Lucas and I both yelled out. The figure hit the icy water with a resounding splash and then Lucas and I were running through the snow towards the overlook. Snow pulled at our feet but we ran as fast as we could until we were standing on the overlook, looking down at the dark, glassy water—which was surely just shy a few degrees from freezing over.

My breath was caught in my throat as we gazed down at the water in horror, wondering who had fallen into the water and if they could swim. The water surface was still rippling, but there was no sign of the person who had literally danced off the side of the overlook. Lucas and I glanced at each other before looking back down at the water below us. We both gasped as a shockingly white arm breached the surface of the water, flailing, as though begging for help.

Without thinking twice, I stripped off my coat and pulled my shirt off over my head. Lucas grabbed at me, trying to stop me.

“Rob, don’t be ridiculous!” He pleaded. “There’s no way that you won’t freeze to death before you can save them.”

“Are you kidding?” I scoffed as I started to unbutton my pants. “I can’t just let them drown in front of us.”

Lucas sputtered for a retort as I stripped off my pants and kicked off my shoes, standing there in only my boxer briefs and socks. Without another thought, I leaped from the overlook towards the water below. When I hit the water, my whole body screamed out in pain and terror. The water was so cold it was suffocating. Every breath I had left my body and my instinct was to kick towards the surface, to get out of the water any way that I could. Pins and needles stabbed every inch of my body. It took several moments before I could clear my mind of all instinct to merely survive and I began groping for whoever had fallen into the water.

Seconds ticked by as the iciness of the water stabbed and pricked at my body and made me feel like I’d never be warm or breath again. Finally, after several painful seconds, I felt my hand wrap around another smaller hand. I grasped it tightly and pulled it towards me. Then my other hand had ahold of a forearm, then a bicep, and I was pulling the person towards me. I couldn’t see under the water, even though my eyes were open—I think—but I pulled the body into me and kicked towards the surface. This was a child, not a man or woman. The body I was holding against me was too small to be an adult.