Page 39 of Jacob Michaels is Not Crazy

That night, after a tense and fairly quiet dinner of roast chicken and vegetables and homemade rolls, I helped Oma wash up after dinner. I read a book, curled up in front of the fire, while she watched some television show about baking. When it was a reasonable time to go to bed, I announced my intentions and went upstairs. I changed into my pajamas and sat on the edge of the bed, waiting for signs that Oma had done the same. What seemed to be days later, I heard her come upstairs and enter her bedroom. After several minutes, the house was quiet and as dark as a tomb. So, I crawled under the covers and laid down in bed. I closed my eyes, making sure that I didn’t drift off as I waited.

The quiet of the house was eerie as I laid there in the dark, waiting for whatever it was that crawled into bed with me to arrive. My heart was thundering within my chest as I laid there, listening to that infinite silence in the dark, wondering if I was making a bad decision. What if Oma was keeping secrets for a really good reason? What if the thing crawling into bed with me at night had nothing to do with Oma? Carrying out the plan I had in mind might have ramifications I couldn’t understand. However, just as I had worked myself into a near fit of anxiety, I felt the…thing…crawling up onto the bed. I braced myself, still pretending to be asleep as I felt it crawl along the bed, coming to rest behind my legs again.

Almost like a dog, it seemed to turn in place a few times before settling down, curling up behind my legs. If I knew that Oma had a cat or dog, this wouldn’t be that big of a deal—it would almost be sweet. But Oma denied having any pets, I hadn’t seen any pets, and my door was closed. How the hell would a pet have gotten into the room anyway? This thing in bed with me didn’t belong there and I had to know what was going on. I held my breath for the space of a few breaths, then I leaped into action. I tossed the covers off and over the creature by my legs.

Squirming and thrashing, the creature created a whirlwind of movement under the comforter, as I leaped on top of it, wrapping it up in the blanket like a hobo’s kerchief. Whatever was inside the blanket was strong, but it was small, and even though I wasn’t at my ideal weight, it was no match for me. I laid on top of it as it wore itself out.

“Gotcha ya’ little shit,” I whispered down at the bundle of covers.

It thrashed once more within the blanket as I twisted the covers up and pulled it off of the bed. The thing weighed no more than a medium sized dog, but as it thrashed again in my arms, I almost dropped it. Wrapping my arms tightly around the bundle, I went to the bedroom door and threw it open. I marched down the hall, thrashing bundle of blankets in my arms, to Oma’s bedroom. I didn’t even knock, I just kicked the door open and entered.

Oma sat up in bed and flipped the light on in a panic.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Oma gasped, sitting up quickly in bed.

“Don’t have any pets, do ya’?” I sneered at her and marched over to the foot of her bed.

I threw the bundle down on the bed.

“What the hell is that?” She growled.

“Oh, you know what it is, lady.” I snapped. “And we’re about to see it together.”

I grabbed an edge of the blanket bundle and whipped it open. Oma gasped as a tiny body tumbled out of the bundle and landed on top of her legs over the covers. My eyes grew wide as I looked down at the little humanoid creature. It looked almost like a House Elf out of Harry Potter, except it was wearing normal clothes. Small clothes that maybe belonged to a German peasant, but normal clothes. And its skin more of a human shade. For all intents and purposes, I was looking at a miniature human…but not.

“Goddamnit, Ernst!” Oma bellowed.

The creature popped to its feet, its head whipping back and forth rapidly between myself and Oma.

“Ernst?” I was incredulous.

The creature on the bed looked scandalized. And a little pissed.

“Why’d you keep going into his damn room!” Oma swatted at the creature, which it barely avoided. “I told you to stay out of there not two hours ago!”

“I’m sawwy Mrs. Wagner.” The creature spoke in a high-pitched voice. “His room be the warmest, ‘tis all.”

“That’s no reason to keep fucking around, is it?” She growled at the little humanoid. “I oughta…”

The creature ducked down, expecting another swat.

“Excuse me?!” I bellowed. “What the fuck is going on? What is that thing?”

The creature turned its head violently towards me with a snarl.

“Oh. I’m sorry.” I growled down at the creature. “You don’t mind curling up next to my ass to sleep without permission, but you’re offended?”

What the hell was I even doing? I was talking to this…thing…like it was the most natural thing in the world. Oma swatted at, I guess, “Ernst” again, which he managed to mostly avoid, though her fingers slapped against him.

“I didn’t mean no harm, Mrs. Wagner,” Ernst responded, prancing about the bed anxiously. “It’s cold ‘tis all.”

“That ain’t no excuse, Ernst.” Oma threw the covers off of herself. “If you’d just fucking listen to me then—”

“Both of you shut the hell up!” I screeched, my face turning red. “I want some damn answers about what is going on in this house and what that…thing…is and why it’s been curling up to me nearly every night since I got here!”

Oma and Ernst both looked up at me, parts chastened and parts irritated.

“This is Ernst,” Oma said simply.