Page 48 of Jacob Michaels is Not Crazy

Ernst was on my bed, folding pairs of my jeans from a pile of laundry when I entered my bedroom, wanting to just be alone and have peace and quiet. After my early afternoon in Toledo and finding out very little useful information from Andrew, I wanted to go home and just think. Ernst or any of the little Kobolds being on my bed would distract from that activity. When I entered the room, a freshly purchased cup of coffee from a coffee joint in Toledo in hand, Ernst started at my appearance. He began folding the jeans quickly, obviously about to make a quick run for it.

“Once you’ve been seen it’s easier to be caught in the act again?” I couldn’t help but chuckle as I went over to the bedside table to place my wallet and keys.

Ernst was frantically finishing the folding of my pants.

“I dunno know, sir.” He squeaked.

I rolled my eyes at the title.

“Don’t call me that,” I said evenly. “My name is Rob. Or even Robbie. Don’t call me ‘sir’, okay?”

He didn’t respond verbally but he nodded frantically. I sat down gently on the bed beside him. He barely made a dent in the bed where he stood. I watched as Ernst folded pants, watching me out of the corner of his eye yet pretending that he didn’t know I was there. He was shaky and nervous, and I couldn’t blame him after what I had inadvertently done the previous night. The guilt was rising up as I watched him do his, chores, I supposed. I reached out to grab a piece of clothing to help and Ernst jumped. He topped over, falling to his ass on the bed in a tangle of gangly limbs as a t-shirt fluttered down to cover him as he lay there.

Not that I wanted to, but I found myself laughing. It was quite a sight seeing something, er, someone like Ernst fall out in such a way. Ernst looked ridiculous and comical, flailing wildly under my t-shirt as though he expected something or, more specifically, someone (like me) to attack him at any moment. I felt guilty that he was obviously assuming I meant him harm, and for having harmed him the night before, but the whole thing was ridiculous. Reaching out, I gently pulled the t-shirt off of Ernst, disentangling him from the fabric. Ernst jumped to his feet and moved to the foot of the bed quickly, getting out of arm’s reach.

“I wasn’t going to hurt you.” I held the t-shirt up. “I was just going to help you fold the laundry.”

Ernst eyeballed me suspiciously. Instead of saying anything else, I began folding the shirt. Then I laid it down and grabbed another to fold. Ernst watched me for a moment, his body language indicating his desire to flee. After three more shirts, Ernst expression turned from fear to that of concern and annoyance. I continued folding laundry from the pile.

“No, no, no.” He stomped over and swatted the shirt out of my hand. “You’re doin’ it all wrong, sir. ‘Tis a disgrace. Haven’t ya’ ever folded laundry for yourself before?”

I smiled as he proceeded to show me the proper way to fold a shirt.

“I usually hang my clothes up in the closet at home.” I laughed. “Except for my underwear and socks, that is.”

“Well, I can tell.” He shook his head as he started in refolding the pile I had made. “These won’t do at all, sir. There are certain ways things should be done and this innit it.”

“Please call me Rob or Robbie.”

Ernst looked pensive as he folded a shirt.

“That’s not the way things are done either.” He barked.

“Well, then just don’t call me ‘sir’, please.”

“You’re the master of the house are you not?” He scoffed. “It wouldn’t be prudent to call ya’ anything but ‘sir’ now would it, sir?”

“This is my Oma’s house.” I frowned. “I’m just visiting. So, as a guest, you don’t have to call me ‘sir’, do you?”

Ernst continued folding as his brow furrowed.

“I’m sorry I hurt you last night, Ernst,” I said, wondering how I could be so comfortable sitting there next to a mythological creature and act so calm about it. “It was entirely unintentional. I swear.”

“T’weren’t nothin’.” He sniffed haughtily.

Obviously, this was a sore spot for his ego.

“Well, I’m sorry.” I reiterated and moved on. “And thank you for doing my laundry while I’ve been here.”

Ernst’s brow furrowed even more deeply as he folded the clothes. He looked troubled by our interaction. I stood, which made Ernst fold slowly at alert as he watched me out of the corner of his eye. I pulled my wallet out of my pocket, along with my cell phone and keys and put them on the bedside table. I kicked off my shoes and carried them over to the closet to stow them away in an orderly fashion. Then I took off my coat and hung it in the closet as well. Ernst quietly watched me the entire time.

“Oma said there are some of your, um, friends, or family around here with you?” I asked. “She said there are other, uh, Kobolds, here?”

Ernst averted his eyes and went back to his folding.

“Yes…yes.”

He didn’t call me by name, but he dropped the ‘sir’ shit. That was good enough for me. For now.