Page 50 of A Straight Line

“Stop being a doormat and stand up for yourself, Russ,” She said. “And when an opportunity walks into your life, don’t be a big ole sourpuss and ignore it. Before you know it, there’ll be another guy begging for your attention. And he’ll love you back enough. More than enough.”

I just stared at her.

“You believe me, don’t you?”

“Sure,” I said. “I mean, Harry has Vic. Mom has Dad. The Flirtatious Five have all had each other at one point or another.”

Bang Bang cackled. “Those old queens! I couldn’t even be bothered to keep up with who was sliding into whose bed most of the time way back when.”

“Right?”

Bang Bang reached up and brushed a thumb over my cheek.

“Why don’t you get out there and find a hot young guy to dance with?” She suggested. “Have a drink. Get your confidence back? You’ll be right as rain before you know it.”

“Yeah, maybe,” I said. “Hey, Vic said I’d get to meet Robert tonight?”

Bang Bang looked pained.

“Your…uh, your husband? Boyfriend? Partner?” I asked. “He didn’t really say if you guys were married or whatever, but—”

Bang Bang began reaching into her cleavage, making me stop short of whatever brilliant thing I was trying to think of to say but was failing at miserably. Cautiously, I watched as she dug around in her fake boobs, looking for something only she knew about. Finally, after a little digging, she pulled a charm out of her dress that was attached to a necklace I hadn’t noticed before. The necklace was silver, dulled by age, and the charm at the end simply looked like a little vial but was made of silver just like the chain.

“What’s that?” I asked.

“Robert,” She said. “The rest of him is in an urn over the fireplace at home.”

“That’s…?”

“Ashes, yes,” She said. “Well, a teensy, tiny little bit. That’s so he can be with me wherever I go. Trying to get cremains through airport security is always a hassle, so…I keep a bit of him here by my heart. The rest has to stay at home and wait for me to return. He was always a homebody after he gave up being a traveling salesman anyway, so I think this is what he’d have preferred.”

For the longest of moments, Bang Bang held the charm out to me, and I just stared at it, suddenly realizing what Vic had meant when he said that if Bang Bang is coming, so is Robert.

“When did he…?”

“Oh, my goodness,” Bang Bang slid the charm back inside her dress to rest between the fake boobs, “ten years now it’s been. He was older than me, you know. I’m surprised I had him as long as I did. I wish I’d thought to have you meet him when the chance was there.”

“You met him the night before the bar opened?”

“Yes.” She was delighted that I knew that. “Just wandered in off the street like a puppy. He was much to preppy for my tastes. I usually like ‘em a bit rough—if you know what I mean.”

I chuckled nervously.

“But he came in looking for a bathroom in a three-piece suit, leather dress shoes—he looked like he was ready to try and sell encyclopedias or a burial plot to us.” Bang Bang slapped at my knee. “I certainly didn’t think he was sniffing around for some tail, either. But who woulda thunk it—a few months later, we were living together and happy as could be. And I found out he could be a little rough around the edges like I enjoyed.”

She winked at me, which made my cheeks warm as I chuckled at her comment.

“You know,” She said, patting the place on her chest where the charm was buried in her dress, “I considered telling him to get lost that night—when it became apparent he was trying to be friendly with me, I mean. Once he realized what kind of bar he had wandered into, he figured out what kind of men he was amongst, and he set about getting cozy with me. I didn’t want none of it. But something deep inside of me said: ‘Morty, you slept with half of New York for a place to sleep before. You can sleep with a guy in a three-piece suit because you’re bored.’ Well, I’m glad I listened to that voice because I wasn’t bored another night of my life until he was gone.”

“What did he…die from? If that’s not too personal?”

“Oh, the cancer, you know?” Bang Bang sighed. “Once you get to mine and your uncles’ age—the age Robert was then—you either die in your sleep, or you get cancer. Or a heart attack. You’re really on borrowed time. I’m just glad I can strut around in heels without throwing out a hip, honestly.”

“That’s so sad.”

“Is it?” Bang Bang looked at me. “We had thirty good years together. You can’t really be mad at death if it waits long enough to let you enjoy yourself with the love of your life first.”

“I guess?”