Page 53 of Talk to Me

I guess you’re not getting back together with Ben? :-(

Get over it. Jayzus.

The movies are back!

Is that a friend? Or a new boyfriend? Hmmmmmm…

UNHhhh. Two cute guys! I’ll be alone 4ever!

I love love!

Ben could NEVER!

Stop being stoopid. Him and Ben broke up. Get over it. Stop bringing it up.

I’m so glad you’re doing better and posting more, Theo! We missed you!

Seconded!

Thirded!

Fourthed!

I love you, Theo!

The banner for my notifications told me I had ninety-nine, which was followed by a plus sign. I closed Peepers, locked my phone, and laid it on my desk.

“No,” I said resolutely. “It’s working out well for you. People will move on when you post another super cute animal video or a really good student interview.”

“You sure?”

“I’m sure,” I replied. “But if your followers are mostly college students, a lot of them need to learn to spell and use punctuation.”

Laughing, Theo said, “I don’t think correcting grammar in the comments is going to make people like me more, man.”

“Fair.”

Turning back to my desk, I began putting my things away, getting organized before abandoning my studies for the rest of the week. Theo stayed on my bed with his head propped up, watching me as I worked. The scrutiny of Theo watching me so closely was unnerving enough that I didn’t have to wonder why the Peepers video bothered me so much. Being under anyone’s eye, being observed closely, was not something to which I aspired.

I’d never understood my generation’s desire for fame or internet virality. Having millions of people simultaneously adore, hate, covet my life, and want to dissect everything I did was not natural. Human beings were not psychologically designed to endure such scrutiny. Being able to get out of bed, shower, and do the bare minimum needed to survive was enough to ask. Doing it while being loudly critiqued by others was overwhelming.

Am I brushing my teeth wrong? Is this the wrong soap to use? What do you mean drinking tap water is bad for me? My shoes aren’t cool enough? My hair looks dull? Have I considered a cleanse? You don’t get enough sun. Your shirt is too tight. It’s too baggy. You’re patronage of that company enables genocide. Did you know that company you just bought a product from donated to the wrong political party? Your carbon footprint must be through the roof!

I shivered.

“You’re looking paler and greener.” Theo chuckled.

“How do you do it?” I asked quietly, folding my hands in my lap and looking down at my desktop as if it were the most interesting thing. “Knowing so many people are aware of you and watch you every chance they get?”

Theo sighed and rolled to swing his legs over the side of the bed to sit up.

“The online part’s easier,” he said. “I just don’t look at the comments or tags and stuff. The in real life stuff is harder.”

“Yeah,” I said. “That’s the part I’m talking about.”

“Hard to ignore it when it grabs your arm in the coffee shop and starts talking to you, huh?”

I smiled sheepishly. “A girl in Midway Roasters told me I better not break your heart.”