Page 81 of Talk to Me

“Lounging on your bed, swiping your finger across a screen is easier than getting up, showering, getting dressed, and going out and actually putting yourself out there for judgment,” Arthur said. “Sure, those other children at the university may have been leaving nasty comments all over your videos, but which hurt worse? Going out and having people scream at you, or reading the comments?”

“The screaming,” Theo said.

“Having some faceless, nameless twat on the internet reject you or insult you hurts less than being told you’re unwanted after you’ve washed your ass and put on an outfit you thought looked nice,” Arthur said. “Being told you suck while you’re in your musty pajamas in bed doesn’t hurt nearly as much as being bullied when you’ve made an actual effort. That’s why everyone loves the internet.”

I chuckled as Theo stared at Arthur.

As Arthur sat back in his chair, finished with what he had to say, Theo chewed at his lip. Unsure of what to say, I waited for one of them to restart the conversation.

“I get tired of fighting these people,” Theo says. “Fighting to prove that I’m not what they say I am when they’re leaving shitty comments on my videos. Or when they scream at me in public. And then I have to fight them to not act like idiots when they aren’t mad at me. It’s exhausting. I mean, I guess I’ll have to get used to it.”

Theo slumped again.

“I never get tired of fighting the bad guys,” Arthur said suddenly, a devilish grin on his face. He rubbed his hands on the arms of his chair as if kneading dough. “Nothing makes me feel more alive than telling some piece of shit what I think of them. It’s the good guys you have to watch out for.”

Theo and I looked at each other, then over at Arthur, questioning looks on our faces.

Arthur nodded slowly.

“The people who are always nice,” Arthur sneered. “The inoffensive, sweet ones. They never say anything bad about other people. Never do anything provocative. Always neutral and never rocking the boat. They’re the first ones to stay quiet when the bad guys need to get their asses kicked. They’re so busy trying not to upset anyone or draw attention to themselves that they’d rather let the bad guys burn everything down than to stand up to them. Those people I cannot stand.”

I looked away, my eyes focusing on the wintry landscape outside of Arthur’s window.

Arthur pointed a finger at us.

“Watch out for them,” Arthur said. “Don’t waste too much of your time getting mad at these little children who don’t know how to act when you turn the camera on them. Save your energy for the bad guys and the ones who won’t stand up to them.”

“What do you mean?” Theo asked as I stared at the window.

“Someone who wants to be friendly with you when you’re on the come up?” Arthur asked. “Where are they when you’re not doing well? If they’re by your side, that’s a real friend. If they’re making themselves busy not taking sides, fuck ‘em. Those are the worst kind of people. But—and you listen to me—you have to actually get out there and live to figure out which are which. Stop expecting the internet to do the damn work for you. Anyone can be anything they want on the internet. I don’t trust any of it.”

With a dismissive wave of his hand, Arthur sank back in his chair. After a moment of silence, he spoke up a final time.

“Go out there and let these fools be on your channel,” Arthur said. “Take your videos. Try to get them to be genuine with you. If they don’t, you don’t have to post the damn things. Eventually, these kids will understand that you’re not going to post any ole bullshit and only the ones with something worth hearing will try to be on your channel. Put in the work, Theo. Go out there and live.”

I glanced over at Theo, finding a small smile pulling at the corners of his lips.

“You want to do another video?” Theo asked.

Arthur laughed bitterly and waved him off with a lazy arm.

“You’ve already gotten me into enough trouble,” he said to Theo. “Do you know my old publisher got ahold of me to see if I wanted to write my autobiography?”

“What?” I said, a bark of laughter escaping my throat.

Arthur was nodding.

“I haven’t talked to anyone there in…probably seven years,” Arthur said. “All of a sudden, they’re interested in me and my life and want me to put it on paper? I told them to go to hell.”

Theo and I chuckled.

“And it’s all your fault.” Arthur grinned and shook a finger at Theo “They didn’t say it, but I know that little video I made for you found its way to them. Probably some little faggy intern showed it to someone there who mattered.”

“Sorry,” Theo said, though he wasn’t.

“Mmhm,” Arthur said, shaking his head. “Keep that damn phone away from me. I’m here trying to die with dignity in this festering old people’s roach motel. I don’t have the energy to be writing any more damn books.”

The three of us shared a laugh.