Page 97 of Talk to Me

“Don’t get your panties in a bunch!” he exclaimed, his voice rising to a squeal. “I’m really, really sorry, Josh!”

“You should be,” I said, my voice gravelly.

“I know, I know,” Collin whined as his hands lowered. “I’ve been thinking about it, and—”

“You sent pictures of Theo and me to that fuckface even though you knew we weren’t really dating until recently,” I said. “I don’t give a shit what you say about what you thought and didn’t think, you know we weren’t dating until recently. I never lied about that. You know it.”

Collin’s eyes dropped and the corners of his mouth turned downward pitifully.

“I thought you were lying at first,” he said softly, then continued before I could respond. “I was wrong. It’s just that—”

“Why?” I demanded. “Tell me why you even thought that! Tell me why it was any of your business anyway! Tell me why you told Ben of all people! Tell me why, no matter your reasons, you invaded my privacy like that and sent him pictures of us. I mean, the one by the bookstore, whatever, but you snuck in here and took a picture of us in my bed sleeping. Do you know how fucking creepy that is, Collin? How invasive and underhanded that is?”

“I know,” he said, looking down.

“Even if I had been lying, and Theo and I had been dating all along, this is my room. My safe space. And you violated it. Just to prove a point to…I don’t know who!”

“I know.”

“And for what?” I continued. “What did you get out of it, Collin? Do you feel special now? Popular? Is Ben your bestie now? Is that what this was about? Looking cool or something?”

“No,” he said. “That’s not—”

“Because people on Peepers are over it, to be honest with you,” I said, throwing my hands up. “This shit is getting old. Not to their credit, of course. The people who were watching Ben’s drama online aren’t actually sick of Theo getting picked on, it’s just gotten old to them. They’ve moved on from the fact those two were together and the whole cheating scandal. It’s old news.”

Collin was nodding, looking down at his lap.

“So,” I said, “was it worth screwing a friend over?”

“I didn’t mean to screw you over,” he said quietly. “I was protecting you.”

“Protecting me?” I growled. “From what?”

“Theo was going to break your heart!” Collin looked up, pleading with me. “I was protecting you from getting hurt!”

“Here’s a goddamn bulletin for you, Collin,” I explained, “since you’re not listening. You couldn’t have been protecting me because we weren’t even dating when you did what you did. You know that. And then, once we were dating, you are the reason I got hurt. Because now Theo won’t talk to me because he’s afraid of hurting me further. Fuck you!”

With the final barked insult, I marched over to my bed, sat down roughly, and stared at my lap. My fight was gone with Collin. I had nothing else I could say to him. Nothing worth saying, anyway. Being betrayed and violated by a best friend is, surprisingly, exhausting. When I’d started to lay into Collin about the shitty things he’d done—for all the wrong reasons—I’d expected to be screaming at him until the sun went down. Maybe until the sun came back up.

I simply didn’t have it in me.

Between having Theo ignoring me, refusing to talk to me, the internet giving their opinions about my life, a psycho-ex refusing to move on with his life, and my former best friend screwing me over, I was simply too tired. Throwing school and the rest of life’s responsibilities on top of it, I seriously couldn’t help but wonder if three days in bed wasn’t out of the question.

For several moments, we sat in silence. Collin was wringing his hands in his lap, shooting me sporadic looks. I was staring at my lap, but keeping him in the corner of my vision, as if I expected an actual attack at any moment. After all he’d done, I simply couldn’t trust Collin anymore. It crossed my mind that if he was planning to stay in our room again, I might have to go to Student Relations and demand a room transfer or even demand a new roommate. I had no idea if they’d even entertain such a thing so late in the year, but sleeping a few yards away from someone like Collin each night was something I was fairly certain I couldn’t do anymore.

Knowing he’d had a key over the last several months, even when he wasn’t staying in our room, was enough to give me the creeps. Especially since I knew, at the minimum, he’d taken a picture of Theo and me asleep in my bed. Though I had no evidence of any other wrong doing, my mind swirled with ideas about what else he might have done in the middle of the night when I was unconscious and unaware. Had he taken things from Theo or me? What other pictures might he have on his phone?

“Listen.” Collin broke the silence, though his voice was barely above a whisper. “Josh. Everyone’s told me that Theo and you are barely even talking to each other. He’s barely even making videos for Peepers. And I’ve seen all the comments online. I know I overstepped.”

“Yeah?” I asked. “No shit.”

Collin sighed.

“I’m really sorry.”

“Do you think that I’m going to forgive you that easily?” I asked. “Or at all? What could you possibly say that will make me get over what you’ve done, Collin?”

“No,” Collin said, pleading with me, “no. I came here to apologize today, yeah. But also, I talked to Ben, and—”