Page 60 of Princess and Country

“Hi, it’s me. You called?”

“I’m here. At the airport. I need to see you. To be with you. Can I come over?”

My heart sank in the deep end of my chest. I massaged my temples, my thoughts racing. What did I do? Why did I screw everything up? My hand curled around the column of my throat. The walls closed around me. Could Jeff hear the distress in my voice? The pain? The guilt?

“We’re staying at the S Hotel downtown.” Every word I spoke felt like acid. “I’ll call the front desk, so they’ll let you come up once you get here.” I tried to infuse happiness into my voice, but all my emotions formed a tight ball down my throat, making every breath a challenge. “I’ve missed you too.” Did I, though? Yes. I missed my Jeff. The version of him I loved. The man I knew he was underneath all this pain.

“I’m sorry for everything. Please wait for me. We need to talk.”

We hung up, and I turned the shower on and called the front desk. The curtain of hot water from the rain showerhead hanging from the ceiling created a wall around me. It kept me safe from the train wreck my life had become. For a minute, at least. Soon it wasn’t enough anymore. I needed to wash last night off me.

Every touch.

Every feeling.

Every scent.

Every kiss.

With a washcloth, I rubbed my skin until it turned red. With my fingertips, I scrubbed my scalp, removing all memories of the hands that didn’t belong to Jeff on me.

I felt dirty.

My stomach churned. Bile rose at the back of my throat.

Never in my life had I reached such a low point. When did I become a cheater? When did I stop fighting for what was mine? When did I turn into this version of me?

Last night, it all seemed so simple. Just a man and a woman loving each other. Needing each other’s comfort to get through the night. No questions asked. No promises made. It just felt right. Like it was meant to be.

In the morning light, it didn’t seem so black or white anymore.

With a white towel wrapped around me, I brushed my teeth, avoiding my reflection in the three-panel mirror, removing the taste of the man’s lips on mine.

Once satisfied, I dressed in a pair of yoga pants and a dark-purple knitted sweater.

The soft knock on the door startled me.

I sucked in a breath, ragged and shallow, and with a straight back, I opened the door.

Jeff stared at me from the other side of the threshold, with blood-shot eyes, chapped and swollen lips, and an unruly scrub covering his jaw, his hair untamed and long.

We hadn’t seen each other in four months.

The last time was when we played in Canada and his brother invited him to join us for a few days. Things had been strained even then. We didn’t even share a room that weekend. Jeff bunked with Carter.

During his stay, we had sex. Many times. But other than those times, we failed to connect, the tension so high between us, it affected the band. Stud had pulled me to the side one night, asking me to deal with my shit. Yeah, that bad.

Right now, in the hotel hallway, Jeff looked nothing like the man I used to know. And yet, a glint in his eyes reminded me he was still in there as he gave me a slow once-over.

The sight of him standing there, his shoulders rolled forward, his hands stuffed in his pockets, a bag at his feet, looking like a lost child, tugged at all my heartstrings.

I forgot everything about my night of shame.

Nothing mattered more than this man. The one who crossed half the world in a night to be with me. The one I had always loved more than life itself. The one I could never get enough of. My heart woke up. It started beating again.

God, I’ve missed him.

With one quick intake of air, I ran into his arms. When they closed around me, shielding me from the world, all the broken pieces of my heart fused back together.