Page 10 of Hope and Country

Maybe he wouldn’t know I was in here.

Someone turned the doorknob, and my lungs went on strike, afraid any noise could betray my hiding spot, wishing no one was coming for me.

I shut my eyes, uttered a tiny prayer I’d come up with, every time I felt my heart would jump out of my chest and never return, and waited, not entirely ready for what would happen next.

Warm hands clutched my shoulders, and a soft voice spoke close to my ear.

“Hey Devon, it’s me. I’m here now. Don’t be afraid, okay? I’ll take care of you. Everything will be all right. Remember what I told you to do when this happens?”

I opened my eyes, swallowed the giant lump in my throat, and jumped into Robbie’s arms. Where I knew I’d be safe from any harm. My brother—stepbrother—would never let anything bad happen to me.

The steady rhythm of his heart against my ear decreased the crazy beating of mine.

I buried my face in his chest, relishing the fresh laundry scent of his T-shirt as his hand drew circles on my back.

“I’m here now. You’re safe.”

You’re safe.

I loved hearing those words. But I also knew deep down it wasn’t normal for a kid to hear them so often.

Robbie cradled my face, wiping the tears running down my cheeks with his thumbs. “It’s okay, Devon.” His gaze shifted to the toilet. “Have you been sick again?”

I nodded, looking down, ashamed of not being able to get a grip over myself. To have no control over my mind or body. Or my fears.

The sound of my mother’s cries reached my heart.

Then a door closed with a loud bang.

And more bawls filled the silence.

Robbie whispered, “It’s you and me. We can get through this.”

He rocked me back and forth, his voice the only thing I focused on. The only thing I required right now.

My brother was my safe place.

* * *

Eight years ago

The phone rang, but my brain couldn’t comprehend where the sound came from. Was it a dream? My thoughts were foggy. I shifted on my bed, relishing the warmth of my comforter as I dozed off again.

A hushed voice pulled me out of my slumber.

For a moment, I thought it was another dream.

A hand shook my shoulder.

A beam of light pierced my closed eyelids.

I tried to rouse myself from my sleep as the low voice spoke again. Closer this time.

In my semi-consciousness state, I couldn’t make out the words spoken to me.

A hand jiggled me gently again, and my brain woke up.

“Devon.”