Page 60 of Hope and Country

“When I go, I’ll miss ya, baby girl. You make my days better. You and Riley. I’m not sure how I’ll do on my own. I wanted to move far from here to escape Robbie, but now”—I dried the river down my face with the sleeve of my shirt—“I know nothing. I’m getting attached. Too quickly. I’m scared. But it feels right. What do I do?”

The man my heart beats too strong and too fast for sat beside me in silence and wrapped me in his arms, the comfort of his hard chest impossible to translate into words.

His long fingers freed the hair glued to my soaked cheeks.

“Devon. Talk to me. What’s wrong? What happened?”

I wiped my nose with the back of my hand, sobs rocking my body. I rested my head against his torso, listening to his heartbeat. Riley said nothing. Without a word, he let me empty the well of my confused emotions. His palm molded to the back of my head, keeping me close.

With Hope’s sleepy body between us, we stayed like that for a very long time.

Until I was tired and barely able to keep my eyes open.

When I thought I’d fall asleep right there, Riley got up and held out his hand for me to hold. I gripped it like a lifeline as he led me to his bedroom. I lay on my side of the bed. Riley brought one of Hope’s blankets and spread it in front of me and positioned the puppy against my heart.

Then he moved to lie down behind me and enveloped me with one arm.

My heart—and my soul—recognized this man as theirs.

And I prayed he felt the same.

Sleep came quickly, the three of us bringing each other love. And hope.

* * *

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Riley asked as we prepped dinner together later that night. “About earlier?”

I shrugged, my focus fully on the vegetables I was chopping, my hair falling on my face to hide my expressions.

“Don’t let thoughts haunt you. I’m here. Whenever you need to vent.”

“It’s confusing—”

Riley stood beside me, tipping my chin so I looked at him, escaping the shield of my hair.

“Dev, don’t let fear creep in between us. We gotta be honest with each other. I want our relationship to be based on solid foundation.”

I blinked. Could he read my deepest thoughts?

I licked my lips, trying to find in me the courage to speak the next words. “You want an us?” I asked, my voice unsteady, trying to not get my hopes too high in case he didn’t mean what I believed he did.

Riley’s hands rested on each side of my neck. “Yeah. An us. Isn’t it clear enough? I’ve been longing for an us since the first time I saw ya.” He rubbed a hand over his jaw. “Unless that’s not what you want. In that case, I…I…” Confusion swirled in his eyes. He frowned, and I hated the idea I put the doubt in his mind. With a finger over his lips, I silenced him.

“I’d love nothing more than us being an us. Freedom is new to me. And every moment, I’m afraid it will be stolen from me. I fear that this, us, is just a mirage. A fragment of my overactive imagination. A dream I’ll wake up from. It feels I’m in some sort of coma and living a parallel life because that’s the only way my brain can cope with the trauma.”

Hope ran our way, chewing on Riley’s toe.

He bent over and scooped her up. “Hope and I, we want you in our lives, Devon. This is not a dream. Or an alternate reality. It’s real. I crave you so bad in mine that my heart breaks every time I picture you leaving us. Call it what you want, but I believe we belong together. That us is bigger than what our eyes can see. And what our hearts can feel. We were destined to meet that night.”

I swallowed the slivers of emotions pressing against my airways and splayed my palms on his chest. Over his hammering heart.

“You mean everything you’ve just said?”

Riley nodded. His pupils dark and fixed on me.

His Adam’s apple bobbed twice, as he had to fight his own emotional overload too.

“Can we take it slow?” I asked. “If we rush into this, I’m scared it will all blow back into our faces.”