Page 48 of Lord of Deception

Chapter Thirty-Seven

Kit read the anguish in Alys’ face and decided to ease her pain with distraction. His own need was so desperate he could barely contain it—the horror of the past week had left him with a huge thirst for life. Only taking Alys to wife, and into his bed, would assuage that thirst. He pulled her into his arms again, kissing her on the temple and nibbling at her ear. She groaned in response, and he sensed her resolve weaken.

“Touch me not. I feel unclean after Avery’s handling, and my heart is too full of care to feel desire.”

He knew from her body’s response this was untrue. She’d looked so serious, so tired, when he’d walked in, he’d vowed to do whatever it took to bring the smile back to her tempting mouth, the color back to those lily-white cheeks. He drew her close, one hand beginning a slow circuit of her breast, as he put his lips to her ear.

“I am here to make you forget all that. I make you the offer of my lands, my wealth, my body and soul. I cannot fight against Nature, and She has decreed we belong together.”

She moaned softly but pushed at his hand, turning her head away. But he’d seen the flush in her cheeks, the darkening desire in her eyes. This was a woman ripe for awakening, eager to be schooled in the ways of love.

“I w… wish you would g… go now. You are too hot, sir. I have troubles that are nearer to my heart.”

“Nearer to your heart than I am? I shall try not to be wounded by that remark. I trust it means I should wait—I will if I must. Only let me steal a little kiss now, to seal the bargain we have made.”

“We have made no bargain.” She disentangled herself from his embrace. “You can have no understanding of how I feel.”

He clearly had a lot to prove to her. The barbs were coming faster now—was true love always as painful as this? He swept her up into his arms and stomped through to the parlor where he settled himself in a chair, cradling her in his lap. “Then tell me how you feel, my love, and I will try to understand.”

She made no effort to escape. Balm to his shattered feelings.

“How may I rest easy in the marriage bed, knowing my cousin has naught but the grave to look forward to?”

He touched her hair with his lips. “I hadn’t envisaged much rest in our marriage bed.”

“You make sport of me again! I thought you were prepared to listen to me, to attempt to understand.”

A pox on it. Taking her onto his lap had been a mistake. “Truly, I cannot help but be light of heart and soul—my time of banishment is at an end. I’m impatient to have you away to court with me, where I may show you off, and rouse the envy of my friends. My present duty to my queen is now done, and it’s time to claim my reward. Such a reward such as I never dreamed of! Mistress Alys Barchard, a lady with wisdom, courage and conversation, a woman sweet and tender, yet with an inner fire of which I cannot wait to partake.”

His thumb caressed the exposed flesh above the neckline of her bodice, and he felt her tremble.

But all she said was, “I cannot think of wedlock while my cousin is still in this world—that would be a dire insult. I must do what I can to ease her passing and my conscience. And I fear for the safety of court.”

His exploring hand stilled. “How so?”

“That conspirator you mentioned, the one close to the queen.”

“Then we must do what we can to unmask him. I shall become a spy again but on familiar territory this time. Even less suspicion will fall on me as a married man than a single one.”

“You want me to come to court?” He read concern in the blue-grey eyes.

“Of course. I must have my wife with me. Would you have me leave you to rot away in the country? But if you wish it, we shall both submerge ourselves in the rural idyll. I am yours to command.”

She blinked at him. He gazed down at her, praying she could read his heart. She could have no idea what a sacrifice it would be for him to leave the hustle and bustle of court. But he’d do it. For her. Bending his head, he nuzzled at her neck, his hand skimming over her breasts.

“At court, I will no doubt meet your previous conquest, that lady for whose sake you were put to work with Walsingham and exiled to Suffolk.”

His hand stopped moving, and his breath caught. Yet another barb. But he’d always known this was something he’d have to face. It would have been a boon if it could have been delayed, however. Ye gods, how he hated Anne Lacey.

“You may. I know not if she is there.”

“Am I to know the name of the damsel you dishonored?”

He had done nothing of the kind, only no one believed a man with his reputation. He had hoped Alys would see only the man he was now. “That is not important. I don’t wish to speak of something that still gives me pain.”

“I should think the pain was mostly the lady’s. It is her name that will be forever sullied, not yours.”

Now Alys was deliberately trying to hurt him. It was beneath her. Sighing deeply, he lifted her to her feet and walked to the window. “I will tell you about it, yes—but I don’t choose to speak of it at this time. The memory follows me like a shadow. My recent successes have banished that shadow, and I believe I have been sufficiently punished. It feels as if you wish to punish me more.”

“There should be no secrets between a husband and a wife.”

He grazed his fist against the stone mullion of the window, then flexed his fingers on the sill. “I did not say it was a secret. I simply hoped you’d trust me, and be prepared to wait until I’m ready to speak.”

Fire sparked in her eyes. “I must wait for you to be ready, yet you will not wait for me? You won’t give me time to bury my dead, and reconstruct a life you undermined?”

“My plan was to help you reconstruct that life—to offer the protection of my name to you in the aftermath of the trials and executions. I see my words have fallen on stony ground.”

Hurt fueled his anger. He strode towards her, took her by the elbows and glared down at her, but saw only stubbornness in her face. This was too much—he couldn’t bear her coldness.

“Where there can be no trust, there can be no love. Where there can be no love, there can be no marriage. I bid you good day.”

He stalked out of the room and left the house, feeling as if he’d been struck in the heart with a knife. As he marched into the stables, wondering what to do next, he realized walking out was the worst thing he could have done.

But to return now and take back his words, spoken in bitterness, would make him look weak. And he couldn’t abide having Alys think that.