Page 10 of Thaw My Heart

“And what about your neighbors?”

My heart skips a beat.

“There’s just one.” I glance out my front window, with a clear view of Kit, staring into the darkness with a deep frown on his face. He’s my favorite view on Lone Pine Ranch when he isn’t frowning at me, which is 99% of the time, but he looks good doing it. He’s probably cursing my name as we speak, considering our last interaction when I slammed my door in his face.

Although something about him tonight looks sad… defeated. Sitting there all alone in the darkness.

“His name?” Jaxson asks with an edge to his voice.

“How do you know it’s not one of the cowgirls?”

Jax sighs into the phone. “His name, smart ass.”

If he were here, I’d stick my tongue out at him. “His name is Ki—Kyle,” I lie, almost saying Kit.

“And Kyle’s last name?”

“You’re not going to cyber-stalk him.”

Jaxson always meant well, but he could be intense. If I gave him his real name, it would be too easy for him to find out his entire background. “He’s grumpy, but decent, I promise. Keeps to himself mostly,” I continue, still watching him from the window.

“Good,” Jax says.

Silence swells with so many unsaid things. My brother has supported my choices for the last year, checking in every month, over-worrying about his little sister, who always seems to find trouble wherever she goes.

I try to think of something to say that will ease his mind, gazing around the room, taking in the worn-out, polished hardwood floors, the white-washed timber walls with rough stone accents, the natural stone fireplace, and the wooden vaulted ceilings. It’s an older cottage-style home, but light and airy, with only one bedroom and an attic upstairs just big enough for a bookshelf.

“My home is like something out of a catalog,” I say.

“You deserve it. I can’t wait to see it, but… well, it might be a while before I can visit,” his regret sounds through the phone.

Jaxson’s military duties keep him busy. I’ve barely seen him since he joined, but he was happy. Considering the shit life we were brought up in, I couldn’t be happier for him. Happiness is damn hard to find.

“I promise I’m fine. You have nothing to worry about.” I pause. “But I’m looking forward to showing you this place someday.”

“Same time next month?”

“Always,” I promise.

“You know I love you, right?”

My heart fills with warmth. “I love you, too, Jax.”

“Do you think this place could be the one?” he asks.

Staying in one place for too long was terrifying, something I haven’t done since the day I ran from Valentine. Since the day Jaxson helped me escape after discovering I was being abused. Manipulated into marrying a man who never truly loved me to escape a family that never wanted us. A family that was “stuck” with us after we lost our mom when I was six.

Back then, Jaxson became more than the older brother. He became a sort of mother and father, looking after me when no one was looking after him. Something I’ll always hate myself for. Probably the reason I hid my abuse from him for so long. Guilt.

It’s taken an entire year to start working through the trauma. To heal the damage my childhood and ex-husband did to my self-esteem. A year to figure out exactly who I am and what I want. Even now, I still have a long way to go on my healing journey, but the last year has been the best so far.

I’m the strongest I’ve ever felt, and I’m ready to start making a life for myself. A permanent life that’s mine.

“I think this place will be good for me.”

“I’m always here,” he promises. I smile because I know those words will always be true. “Let me know if I need to kick Kyle’s ass,” he adds.

Over the past year, I’ve been training to defend myself just in case my ex ever finds me. I’m more than capable of kicking ass now. “I’m more than capable.”