Page 109 of Thaw My Heart

Alaska nods with pride, beaming at the life inside her. She turns to me with a worried expression. “Do you think I can do this?”

I lean forward, taking her hand. “Of course, I do.”

She smiles with pink blush in her cheeks, eyes moving to my hand in hers. “I wonder sometimes, though, what would’ve happened if you never went to San Francisco. You were different when you came back. Cold. Grumpy. But if you’d stayed, and we’d—” She swallows, unable to finish her sentence. “I don’t know… I know it’s selfish to even think that way.”

“It’s not selfish.” With all that she’s going through, nothing about wishing for a different outcome in her life is selfish. “I’ve thought about it too, once or twice,” I admit after a beat. Especially two years ago, when I came back lost and heartbroken.

There’s a part of me that wishes I’d never left, if only to protect myself from the pain of my past relationship.

She smiles at me, a familiar warm smile. My throat closes up, struggling to say the words. The last thing I want to do is hurt her feelings, but she needs to hear the truth.

“But as much as I care about you…” And I do, more than she’ll ever know. “We drifted apart a long time ago, Alaska. Even if we could have worked things out… Sadie exists.” And her existence has changed everything. The minute she walked into any room, the game would’ve changed. She’d light a fire inside my heart that wouldn’t burn out. “You deserve more than that,” I continue. “You deserve someone who feels that way about you.”

She nods, letting out an exhale. Tears build in her blue eyes. “Do you know how happy I am for you?”

I smile. “I know.” And I did. Despite the strange family dinner, which she had no control over, she knows I have feelings for Sadie.

“Good,” she smiles, wiping away tears. “That hat is outrageous, by the way.”

I chuckle, nodding in agreement.

“And I meant what I said before,” she murmurs. “If Sadie needs anyone to talk to, let me know.” Referring to the night, she whispered this in my ear after Sadie’s near-drowning experience. Alaska had felt something was off then, but I pushed it away, thinking it was just Sadie being her usual frustrating self.

But now just the thought about how fucking wrong I was makes me want to vomit.

“Thanks for that,” I half-smile, knowing Sadie will never want that, but it’s a nice gesture. “Look,” I stare at my hands. “You don’t need to do this alone, Alaska. I’ve been a shit friend these past few months, but⁠—”

“Six months,” she corrects.

“Six,” I chuckle, rubbing at the scruff on my jawline. “I want to do better. I’d like to do better if you’ll allow me.”

She reluctantly smiles. Sadness lingers in her expression as she nods. “Yeah, sure.”

My phone starts buzzing in my pocket, pulling us away from the conversation. I already have a warm feeling about who’s calling. “Sorry, I should probably make a few calls.”

Alaska walks me to the door of the guest room, murmur­ing goodnight before closing the door.

I plop down on a single bed covered with a patterned quilt and a red and black Pendleton blanket draped over the edge, checking my missed calls. It’s a familiar room that I’ve stayed in once or twice when I was a boy, but it feels much smaller now.

“Kit! I’ve been so worried!” She answers, and the sound of her voice through the phone sends a wave of relief to my nervous system. “Blake told me the cattle had been found, but no one knew where you were. Are you okay?”

“Hey, it’s okay, I’m good, and I’m sorry I would’ve called earlier, but… it’s been a different kind of day.” Longer than I’d expected.

“When will you be back?” The hopefulness in her voice feels like a rock sitting on my chest.

“Unfortunately, I’m stuck at the River’s Farm until this storm passes. They’re housing the cattle until the morning. But I’d much rather be there, though.” And I really hope she realizes that.

“Oh,” is all she says. I can practically feel how uncomfortable she is through the phone.

“I’ll be back first thing, I promise. How’s Cole doing?”

“River’s… that’s…” she struggles to make the connection.

“Alaska’s parents. You met her at the tavern.”

“The attractive vet. Yes, I remember.” I chuckle at the jealous tone in her voice. “And she’s there?”

“In her own room, yes.”