Page 27 of Thaw My Heart

Were they talking about me?

“Can I have a word?” I ask her.

She nods with a slight smile.

“I’ll umm… I’ll see you around,” Hudson stutters, stepping away awkwardly. But before he takes a step, Alaska grabs his arm, pulling him back.

“Thank you, Hudson.” Something flickers in her eyes as she meets his gaze. “For everything you said.”

A smile crosses his face, and then Hudson nods, tilting his cowboy hat to her before he wanders off.

I step towards her, closing the space, thinking long and hard about what to say to her with my hands tucked deep into my pockets, but all that comes out is, “Hey.”

Alaska tucks her hands into her long coat, “Hey.”

“So, you’re having a baby,” I say, clearing the air.

“I’m having a baby,” she repeats, cradling her bump.

Which is just crazy, to be honest.

I’m still struggling to understand… to make sense of her situation. I didn’t even know she was seeing someone, but whoever he is, he deserves a broken nose.

“Who’s the father?” Her gaze falls to the ground, sucking in a breath like she feels pain in that question. “I’m sorry, you don’t need to answer that. It’s not really any of my business.”

“It should’ve been,” she murmurs.

Her response takes me aback. The guilt in my heart settles deeper.

“You were my best friend, and you just… disappeared.”

My chest constricts. She’s my oldest friend. A genuine soul, unlike so many others, and the best kind of person. But all I can see is the hurt and pain in her almond-shaped eyes, hurt that was caused by me.

“I know,” I murmur. “And you were mine.”

She steps closer, lowering her voice to a whisper. “Was it really that bad of a kiss?”

“Of course, not.” Honestly, it felt good in the moment. Her lips on mine, but too soon did the rush of guilt and fear settle in. “I just… I couldn’t…” I struggle to find the words. “I can’t give you the things that you need, Alaska. The things you deserve.”

And that’s the truth. Things I’ve been needing to say for months. She has gone through so much in the past year, and I would only bring her down. I don’t know if my heart will ever be whole again, but I couldn’t be the man that she needed, and I realized it the second I kissed her.

“I’m not the person you remember from when we were kids,” I continue. “And for a moment, I thought that maybe I could be, but I shouldn’t have kissed you. It was selfish. I’m sorry. If I could take it back, I would, but⁠—”

“Don’t,” she puts a hand up, cutting me off. “I’d rather never hear those words. Makes it feel like what you did was wrong, but it didn’t feel wrong to me, Kit.”

My throat tightens.

“You know, I’ve been angry with you for six months…” She pauses as thoughts pass behind her eyes. “But Hudson was right.” Realization crosses her face.

“Hudson?” What did he say to her?

“Tonight, painful as it was, brought me a lot of clarity.”

It’s my turn to look confused.

She steps closer with something glinting in her eyes, stopping inches in front of me. “You’ll never look at me the way you look at her.”

“The way I look at who?” I scrunch my brows.