Page 41 of Hearts Lost

ALOSERIN

ACTUAL TALKING

Irise slowly through the misty, velvet layers of sleep, pulled by some growing sense of obligation that I’d just as soon ignore. I’d made some mistake, hadn’t I? Something had gone horribly wrong, it was my fault, and at some point, I’d have to face it.

My eyes flutter open to a web of pale, interlaced branches and a bright wash of violet light. The void. Ithronel. Where is she? My heart does a sudden leap into my throat, and I’m sitting up with my cloak pooled around my waist even before my mind’s fully assessed the situation.

“Good morning,” a voice calls from over my shoulder.

My shoulders relax as I turn. Ithronel’s kneeling by the remains of the fire, feeding a tiny orange flicker of flame from a stack of twigs. She brushes a strand of hair from her eyes and gives me a shy smile that makes heat flood into all kinds of inappropriate places.

I swallow hard. Last night really happened, then.

“You slept in,” Ithronel says.

“I guess you wore me out,” I reply. My voice pinches at the end, making a bad joke sound even worse, but Ithronel is still smiling as she turns away.

I kick out of the cloak wrapped around my legs only to discover I’m not wearing anything underneath. Of course, because the last thing I remember is falling asleep with my arms wrapped around Ithronel’s waist and my head buried in her hair.

And clearly, my cock remembers that too. I grab the cloak, pull it back over my waist, and fumble for my pants in the mess of fabric at my feet. Ithronel stands and walks to the edge of the woods. I could kiss her for that little measure of privacy.

Actually, I could kiss her for any number of reasons. Or for no reason at all.

I turn around, come to my feet, and yank my pants back on. That fresh rip in the knee needs mending, but there’s precious little chance of finding a needle and thread out here. Perhaps I’ll cut both the legs off, to match Ithronel’s sleeveless dress.

And then I’ll freeze to death once we reach the Outer Ring. A shiver snakes across my skin as if the mere thought of the Outer Ring was enough to lower the temperature of the entire void. I turn back to Ithronel, and my chest tightens. I hate this part, the morning after bit. Ideally, I leave while my partner is still asleep or, barring that, I make up some excuse as to why I can’t stay for breakfast. But leaving Ithronel—

The fear that had swamped my chest and left me jumpy and trembling yesterday whispers across my skin. I thought I’d lost Ithronel to the void, and I’d bolted through the forest in a blind panic screaming for her.

So, no. Leaving isn’t an option. I’ll just have to make do with what Orryen always suggests: actual talking.

Ithronel is still staring into the trees with that distant, dreamy look on her face by the time I manage to uncover my shirt and put myself back into some sort of order. I walk over to her, raise my hand, and then let it drop back to my side. My throat feels dry, my tongue thick and heavy. Voids, what I wouldn’t give for a kettle of strong black tea right about now.

“Ithronel?” I begin. Her name comes out almost like a whisper.

She blinks, shakes her head, and then turns to me with a sound in the back of her throat that’s almost a purr. Something tight and hard rises in my chest; it takes me a moment to place that feeling.

Fear. That cold little knot in my gut is fear. I’m actually afraid of this, of what comes next between the two of us. Of actual talking. Voids below, what a damned coward I am.

I swallow the unpleasant little flutter in my chest and force myself to ask the words that have been rattling around the inside of my brain since I bolted upright this morning with no pants on and my cloak tangled around my legs.

“Are you, um, okay?” I stammer.

A frown wrinkles Ithronel’s features.

“About last night,” I continue, blundering on like an absolute idiot while my gut clenches as if I’m about to step onto a battlefield. “About, you know.”

Ithronel smiles, and it’s like watching a glowsoft orb come to life. Relief spreads through my chest, as warm and thick as honey, as Ithronel steps into my arms and presses her lips to mine. For a heartbeat, I’m too stunned to move, and then my mind shuts off and my body takes over. I close my arms around her shoulders and lose myself in the soft, sweet embrace of our lips and tongues.

Ithronel pulls away slowly, still giving me that shy smile.

“Yeah,” she says, her voice thick. “I’m okay. You?”

My cock nudges the seam of my pants like it’s trying to add something to this little conversation. I lean forward, meeting her lips for another slow, sweet kiss, a kiss that quickly deepens into something stronger and fiercer, and I wouldn’t have thought I’d be ready again so soon, but perhaps I’d be wrong. Ithronel pulls away again, her lips parted and her cheeks darker, and I remember that she’d asked me a question.

“Yes,” I answer. “I’m okay.”

I lift my hand and let my fingers brush the curve of her cheeks, then tangle in her hair. She smiles, and suddenly I’m remembering how she looked last night, with firelight licking her sweet curves and her mouth open, gasping beneath me, as her body pulled me closer and closer.