Page 64 of Hearts Lost

ITHRONEL

THE FAMILY RAVADITHAS

Ihold my breath as I push my ear to the door. It’s so silent in my room that I can hear the slow, ponderous thud of my own heart. There’s a mouse nosing around in the hallway outside, tentatively sniffing for crumbs, and I can’t sense any of the tangled buzz of thoughts and emotions the palace guards carry around with them. I can’t hear anything either.

But surely they wouldn’t have left this door unguarded? Yes, I agreed to work with King Galan and Prince Orryen this afternoon, but that couldn’t possibly mean I was above suspicion. Guilt twists hard and heavy in my chest as I bite my lip and raise my fingers to the doorknob. Its metal is cool under my touch.

I turn the knob, pausing after the little click sends a flicker of alarm through the mouse. Then nothing. I take a deep breath and ease the door open, trying to swallow the hot rush of guilt that fills my throat with bitterness. Because I’m not doing anything wrong. I wasn’t told not to move about the castle. By myself. At night.

I lean out of my doorway and into the darkness of the corridor. Pale blue-green light filters through the windows and casts cool rectangles on the thick carpeting. The mouse bolts as I step through the door, fear humming through its little body.

My mind swims with dozens of unsatisfactory explanations just in case I encounter someone as I creep along the corridor like a thief. That cozy little room with the fire and the brandy is down one set of stairs and, just like the first night I spent in the palace, the door to the room is wide open. A small fire crackles on the grate.

The room is totally empty.

My shoulders sink. I creep through the door anyway, glancing at the empty chairs as if maybe I’m expecting Aloserin to materialize in one of them. I trail my fingers over the teapot on the sideboard, then over the mostly empty bottle of brandy, but I don’t dare pour myself a cup of tea. I don’t dare sink down into one of the chairs and put my feet up by the fire.

No, that would look too much like I was waiting for him.

With a sigh, I leave the cozy little room where Aloserin and I shared tea in what now feels like another life. The fat gray cat materializes out of the shadows in the stairwell, follows me into the chamber I’ve been given, and then claims one of the pillows with all the satisfied self-confidence of a born ruler. I curl up on the far side of the bed, my face turned toward the wall, willing myself not to think about black eyes and hair, about the way his lips twisted when he tried not to smile. About the way they tasted pressed against mine.

When the tears come, they’re met only with the cool annoyance of the cat who’s trying to sleep on the velvet pillow beside me.

* * *

A heavy knockbooms through the room. I jump upright, startled even though all I’d been doing was standing at the window and staring down at the elegant garden below. Well, that and bothering the gray cat for information about Aloserin, even though the cat is quite insistent that every non-cat in this entire palace looks, smells, and acts exactly the same as far as he’s concerned.

“Come in,” I call as I smooth down the front of my dress.

The door opens, and Princess Elanerill steps into the room. I blink, then try to hide what I’m sure is a look of surprise on my face. Elanerill narrows her eyes at me like she’s still trying to decide if she needs to pull out her dagger. It’s what I expected, of course. It’s what I deserve. Still, it hurts.

“I’m sorry,” I blurt out. “I— I felt like I had no choice.”

Elanerill sighs. “I know,” she says.

I shift awkwardly, trying to stare past Elanerill and into the open corridor. Just in case there’s someone else out there.

“Thanks for agreeing to help us,” Elanerill finally says. “We need it.”

Need me or just need help, I wonder?

“I’ll show you to the workshop,” Elanerill continues, turning toward the door.

I nod and try to look agreeable as I follow her, leaving the door cracked open to allow His Majesty the Cat unfettered access to his favorite pillows. Elanerill leads me down the stairwell and across the stately garden I’d been watching that morning.

“Will, uh,” I begin, although just thinking of the question makes my throat tighten. “Will Ah—Aloserin be joining us?”

Elanerill’s lips twitch, and she shakes her head.

“Orryen said he’s taking some personal time,” she replies as she pulls open a wooden door that leads to another staircase.

Elanerill hesitates beneath the lintel and gives me a look that’s caught somewhere between friendly and pitying. Then the moment passes, and she begins a slow climb of the winding stone staircase with me trailing behind her.

“You know he carried you?” she asked, her words drifting back to me.

I miss a step, stumble, and catch myself. Elanerill continues as if she didn’t notice.

“Orryen wanted to make a litter,” she says. “But Aloserin wouldn’t hear of it. He carried you the entire way. Every step through the void, through the Outer Ring, even the last stretch from the teleportation hub to the Crystal City palace.”