Page 93 of Hearts Lost

I raise my hand to touch her leg, stop in midair, and drop it to the bed. She turns away from me, a tear trembling in her lashes.

“What I should have asked,” I say, my voice slow and halting, stumbling awkwardly over every syllable. “What I meant to ask is this. What happened between us—”

Ithronel shivers, then pulls her arms tight around her shoulders. She turns away from me to stare at the fireplace. I clear my throat.

“I mean, there was this woman in the void,” I say. “And she was so brilliant. Voids, she was amazing. She laughed at the things I’ve been scared of for my entire life. And she, she saved my life, this woman. Over and over again, she saved my life.”

Ithronel closes her eyes. A tear rolls down her cheek.

“And I—” I hesitate. My heart is thudding against the back of my neck, and for a moment I’m honestly not sure this is any easier than running away forever.

“I fell in love with her,” I say. “And I guess what I want to know, what I need to know, is this.”

Ithronel’s eyes are still closed. Her teeth sink into her lower lip.

“How much of that woman was real?” I ask. “And how much was an act?”

Ithronel’s breath comes out in a low, soft sigh.

“It’s not going to change anything,” I admit. “Whatever is real on your end, I mean. Either way, you changed my life, and I’m grateful for it.”

Ithronel opens her eyes.