Page 19 of Falcon’s Forever

“I wouldn’t go that far,” she teases.

A laugh escapes me before I can stop it, unforced and startling in how easily it comes. Cara’s eyes soften at the sound.

“You laughed,” she says, almost as if she can’t believe it.

“Apparently.” I rub a hand over the back of my neck.

Cara’s smile fades around the edges. “I haven’t heard you do that since I came back.”

Her words land somewhere I don’t have an answer for, so I turn my attention toward the yard. “There hasn’t been much to laugh about.”

“No,” she agrees quietly.

The silence that settles between us isn’t uncomfortable, which might be the strangest part of the morning.

Cara moves closer to the porch rail but keeps some distance between us. “You really aren’t okay, are you?”

I could lie, and usually, I would. But Vulture’s words from an hour ago are still lodged in my chest.

You don’t have to be fine.

“No,” I admit.

The single word feels like a shout, even though it comes out barely above a whisper.

Cara doesn’t move toward me. She doesn’t try to touch me or offer some useless reassurance, and I’m grateful for it. I don’t think I’d survive her kindness right now.

“I don’t know what to do with that,” I confess, staring out across the compound.

“With what?” Cara asks.

I force myself to look at her. “You.”

Pain flashes across her face, and I immediately push away from the post. “Not you being here. That’s not what I meant. I’m glad you’re here.”

“I know,” she says, but her grip tightens around the notebook.

“I spent five years believing you left.” The words scrape their way out of me.

“I know that too,” Cara replies softly.

My throat tightens. “I hated you.”

Her expression pinches before she manages to smooth it out. “I know.”

“I had to,” I tell her, because I need her to understand.

Cara studies me for a long moment, searching my face. “Why?” she finally asks.

Because loving you while you were gone would have killed me. It's right there on my tongue and I can't get it out. "I don't know."

I'm a coward. I know it while I'm saying it.

She nods anyway, eyes shining. "I hated you too. Sometimes."

That surprises me more than it should. "For what?"

"For not finding me." Her voice starts to shake around the edges. "I knew it wasn't rational. I knew you didn't know where I was, some days I didn't even know where I was. But there were nights I convinced myself you were coming, and every morning you didn't..."