Page 170 of Wicked Brutal

Then he walks away. The boys go with him. I don’t move. For one second, I physically cannot. I knew. I knew the entire time. Bennett was watching. Daniel is outside. Dad is suspicious. Ryan has to make this believable. I know. I know. I know. Fuck him anyway.

Becca is the first one on the floor. She grabs two pages. Cat gets another. Penny closes my notebook before someone can step on it.

I crouch. “I’ve got it.”

I shove the pages into the notebook.

Penny puts it on the table. “Do you want to leave?”

“No. I want to eat lunch.”

So I do. Or try. My sandwich tastes like cardboard. My stomach is turning. The baby is probably fine. I know that. Darla has told me stress doesn’t automatically hurt the baby. Still, my hand moves toward my stomach before I catch myself. I stop it halfway. No. Not here. Not with people watching. That almost makes me cry more than Ryan did. I can’t even touch my own fucking stomach.

Becca quietly pushes my water toward me. I drink. Nobody talks about Ryan. I love them for that.

My phone vibrates five minutes later. I leave it facedown. Again. Again. Penny glances at it. I don’t. Finally it stops.

Good. Fuck him.

I don’t read Ryan’s messages until I’m locked in a bathroom stall before seventh period. There are six.

Ryan: Ally

Ryan: I’m sorry.

Ryan: Bennett was watching.

Ryan: I didn’t know he was there until I came into the dining hall.

Ryan: I went too far.

Ryan: Please answer me.

I stare at them. Anger comes back immediately. Not cute anger. Not you owe me kisses anger. Actual anger.

you think?

Three dots appear immediately.

Ryan: yes

you used switzerland

Ryan: I know

you knew exactly what that would do

Ryan: I know

stop fucking saying you know!

The bubble appears. Disappears. Good. For once, Ryan Harrington apparently doesn’t have a fucking answer. I type again.

you could have been mean without using that

Ryan: yes

and my writing