Page 31 of The Scottish Island Inn

‘Oh, Heather. It’s not that simple, just to say, I’m part of the family. I have a lot of really difficult feelings about all of this. I was just so angry, you know? They both talked about family constantly. How important it was. That we were a little clan, us girls. We all had matching kilts and socks and tam-o’-shanters when we were kids, do you remember that? Me and Primmy and you and Vi did, anyway. Mum used to dress us up like her little dolls and walk us into school at the end of term before Christmas; she was so proud of her brood of girls. She put such pressure on me to look after the others. She’d say, You’re the oldest, you’re in charge when I’m not there. And I was. I always was.’ Sorrel started to cry. ‘I did everything I was told. I was so… good.’ She sobbed.

Heather held her hand.

‘And you felt betrayed,’ she continued for her. ‘They told you one thing your whole life, and then suddenly the truth was very different.’

‘Yes.’ Sorrel wiped her eyes. ‘I just couldn’t believe they’d never told me. That there was…. this man, on the island, and he wanted to see me, and they weren’t going to tell me that either. My real dad. I was furious.’

‘That’s understandable.’ Heather had always been so compassionate. ‘But I don’t quite get why you left the island and just cut off everyone. Couldn’t you have stayed and worked it out?’

‘Maybe I could have, but at the time, I was so furious with both of them. Mum just refused to acknowledge how upset I was. She kept saying, I did my best, Sorrel, I gave you a home and a family and a father, what more could you ask for? She couldn’t see that it was the dishonesty that I couldn’t stand. She hadn’t given me an option to get to know my real father. She’d never told me the truth. I felt like she was still hiding something, even then. And I just felt I couldn’t trust her after that. So, I left. I was furious. I packed a bag, got on the bus to Portree and then a bus to the mainland. They let me go.’ She looked up at the screen with tears in her eyes. ‘They didn’t come after me. They didn’t look for me. They just let me go.’

‘Oh, Sorrel.’ Heather shook her head. ‘I’m so sorry. We didn’t know.’

‘I know. And I didn’t want to leave you, but I didn’t feel like I had a choice. I could have come to stay with Uncle James, I suppose, but that felt wrong. I wasn’t a Balhennie any more. I didn’t know if I’d be welcome.’

‘You would have been,’ Primrose said.

‘Maybe. But I don’t think it would have been far enough for me to go. I needed to really leave, go somewhere that no one knew me. And I wanted to hurt Mum and Dad. Like they hurt me.’

‘So, you left.’ Bluebell’s voice was flat and empty. ‘You never replied to my emails. Not once.’

‘I wanted to. But I thought you’d tell them anything I wrote to you and I… I just didn’t want them to know what I was doing in my life. It was a sort of revenge, I suppose. But I was so hurt. I didn’t know how to be Sorrel Balhennie any more. So, I tried to be someone else.’

‘Great.’ Bluebell got up and walked away from the table. ‘Well, I wanted you to be you. I need a minute.’

She went into the corridor of the caravan and pulled the door to her bedroom closed after her. Sorrel got up to go after her sister, but Heather shook her head.

‘Leave her be for a minute. She needs to calm down.’

Sorrel sat.

‘Wow. This is a lot to take in,’ Violet said from the screen. ‘It’s… kind of like they lied to all of us.’

‘They did lie to all of us,’ Sorrel said, simply. ‘For whatever reason, they kept it from us. I’m not your full sister.’

‘You’ll always be my full sister,’ Heather said, in a low voice. ‘Don’t ever say that. I love you.’

‘I love you too.’ Sorrel sighed, grateful for Heather’s kindness. ‘But there’s a simple truth, which is that your dad isn’t my dad. My dad is… some other guy they wanted to keep me away from.’ She shrugged. ‘It’s not that I don’t love Dad. I do. It’s not that I don’t think of him as my father. He is, to all intents and purposes. He did all the fathering. He did all the caring. He was always there. It’s just that…’ she broke off, trying to think how to say it best. ‘He isn’t where I come from. And the fact that there’s someone else, out there, who’s my family, and I don’t even know him… it makes me feel disconnected. Adrift. And I hate the fact that Mum and Dad lied to me. Lied to us.’

‘I do too.’ Violet shook her head. ‘I just can’t believe it.’

‘I know. I’m sorry.’

‘What are we going to tell them? What are we going to say to them?’ Primrose asked, her voice hollow. ‘I don’t know how I feel about all of this. It’s horrible that they would lie to us for all these years.’

‘I know it is. I don’t know.’ Sorrel hung her head. ‘I feel guilty for telling you, if you can believe that. I kept their secret for a long time. They didn’t want me to tell you.’

‘Well, you have now.’ Violet looked furious. ‘I have to go.’ Her screen went blank.

Well, that was blunt. Sorrel felt the snub, thousands of miles away from whatever airport Violet was in.

‘I’ve got to go. Papers to mark.’ Primrose waved, but her expression was sad. ‘See you guys soon, I hope.’

‘I don’t really know what to say,’ Blossom said. ‘Can we catch up again soon, though, Sorrel? It’d be good to catch up properly.’

‘Of course. I’d love that.’ Sorrel wished she could walk through the screen and hug her sister. Blossom and Tom smiled, and their screen went blank too.

As tough as it had been, Sorrel felt relieved. Relieved that she’d finally let go of the thing she’d been hanging on to all these years. Now, perhaps she and her sisters could finally start to move forward.