Page 33 of The Scottish Island Inn

‘It’s too nice. I could do with the walk. I’ve been pouring cement all morning.’

‘Fair enough. Let’s go. I could do with not being here for a while.’ She followed him out of the garden and onto the lane.

He glanced at her, concern in his eyes. ‘You feel better now?’

‘Yes. Thank you.’

‘Want to tell me what it was about?’

‘Um. A chat with all my sisters.’ She looked out at the moorland, dotted with sheep, that stretched away into the distance on the other side of the lane.

‘All six Balhennie girls, eh.’

‘Yeah. Sister stuff.’ Sorrel didn’t have the energy to have the same conversation over again. ‘Sorry. I’m just sort of wrung out, if I’m honest. It’s hard, having been away ten years, and then trying to rebuild relationships. Heather’s great. She’s so compassionate – too compassionate for her own good, in a way. You know how she is. But Violet’s tough, at least on the surface. And I’ve really upset Bluebell. That hurts the most.’

‘I’m so sorry to hear that. She adores you,’ Tam said, as they walked along. It was just like old times; Sorrel and Tam had walked this lane together so many times before, talking about everything and nothing. Sorrel fought the urge to take his hand, just like she would have done before.

‘I know. I adore her. That’s why it hurts.’ Sorrel shrugged.

‘You’ll make it up. You both love each other too much not to.’

‘I know. But… you know, it’s been a long time. I don’t know how to reach her. I don’t know who she is now.’ Sorrel let out a long breath.

‘Well, how did you talk to her before? How did you reach her if she was feeling low? She was kind of a moody kid, remember. You used to sit with her and make up stories all the time. Draw together. Colour. You were so patient.’ Tam smiled.

‘Yeah. But she’s grown up now. I can hardly sit down with her and tell her a story or do some colouring.’ Sorrel shot Tam a fond glance. She loved that he remembered all this stuff. About her and her sisters. He knew Sorrel so well. He knew all of the Balhennie girls, because he’d been around so much. Tam had always been like family.

‘No, although I hear those adult colouring books are all the rage now.’ Tam put his hands in his pockets as they turned onto the road at the bottom of the lane; Sorrel could see Muriel’s little coffee shop ahead on the left. ‘But you could write to her. If you can’t talk to her. Write her a letter or an email or something. It might be a better way of saying it.’

‘Hm. That’s actually not a bad idea,’ Sorrel said, thoughtfully. ‘You know, she wrote to me – emailed – when I was gone. She told me everything that was going on, or at least, some of it. She never gave up on me.’ Sorrel’s voice hitched. ‘I feel so guilty that I didn’t reply.’

‘You had your reasons, I’m sure,’ Tam said, levelly. ‘But yes, I can imagine Blue doing that. She always loved you so fiercely. And it was because you always took the time with her. So, yes, she was loyal to you. She believed in you. But you always believed in her. I know you still do.’

‘God. Why is it that you could always get straight to the heart of any problem I had?’ Sorrel looked at him askance. ‘Seriously. How do you do it? It’s like you could see inside my mind and then make sense of it more than I could.’ She half-laughed, but she was serious. ‘I mean, I suppose I kind of took it for granted before I left. But believe me, now I’ve been out there in the world for ten years… now, I know that isn’t the norm.’

‘Well, I’ve just known you for a really long time,’ Tam said, slowly. ‘I know how you tick, I guess.’

‘Did you see much of the family, after I left?’ The question struck her; Bluebell hadn’t mentioned Tam at all in her emails, but that didn’t mean that Tam hadn’t kept in touch.

‘No. I mean, here and there. But I was too upset, initially. Your mum tried being in touch, inviting me around, and of course, they wanted to know if I knew where you’d gone, where you might be. But I didn’t have any idea. I was devastated. I suppose I sort of… holed up. Stayed away. I didn’t really talk to your sisters. More so in recent years, but it’s more if we saw each other in town or something, we’d have a polite chat.’

‘Oh, Tam.’ Sorrel reached for his hand. ‘I’m so, so sorry for what I did. I know I’ve said that. But again. I’m sorry.’

‘It’s okay, Sorrel. I told you before, it’s water under the bridge. I met Beth. I moved on. So did you.’

‘I guess so.’ What if I shouldn’t have? she thought.

But she couldn’t think about that now.

Instead, as they got to Muriel’s, and as Tam started to give his order, Sorrel got out her phone, opened the email app and started to write to Bluebell.

Dear Blue,

You wrote to me for all those years. Maybe writing is a good way for me to reconnect with you.

I’ve told you how sorry I am for being away, and for not replying to your emails. I know that it hurt you.

I think that you’re still wondering why I was away so long, even though you know the reason that I left. I think you feel hurt that I didn’t trust you enough to tell you – you, of all of us. Because I know how close we were. I just couldn’t reply. It’s hard to explain why. But as much as I missed you all – and I did miss you and Primmy and Heather, and Mum and Dad, and even Vi – I missed you so much that it felt like I cut my own heart out – I knew that if I ever replied to one of your lovely, lovely emails, then you and I would have to talk. Or I’d feel under pressure to come back. And then I’d have to tell everyone what was wrong. Why I left.