Page 82 of Wild Thorns

"Yes."

"The one you said was 'intellectually compelling.'"

I winced. "Did I say that?"

"You said that. You also said he had 'interesting hands,' which I noted at the time was a weird thing to say about someone you weren't attracted to."

"My late nights with Eli are their own thing." I pulled my knees up to my chest, making myself small on the bed. "I don't have a word for it. We talk for hours. About everything. Books, art, the town's history, my work, his research. And sometimes he looks at me like he's trying to memorize me, and I—"

"And you what?"

"I kissed him," I admitted. "In the archive. Weeks ago. Before Jasper and I, well not before Jasper and I— but, you know, before we were anything official."

"Uh huh… Okay."

"And I haven't stopped thinking about it."

"Oh my God."

"That's not helpful."

"It's the only appropriate response." A pause, and I could picture her expression, half-amused, half-concerned, entirely Tara. "So let me get this straight. You're in a relationship with Jasper. You have some kind of tension thing with Callum. And you can't stop thinking about kissing Eli."

"When you say it like that, I sound insane."

"You sound fucking lucky, like one of those chicks in a high spice series."

"That's worse."

"Is it though? Why are you yuckin’ your own yum?" I heard her take a sip of wine. "Serena, you've never let yourself want things. You're always so damn cautious. You're treating this like a crisis instead of asking yourself why."

"Because it is a crisis. I'm not—I don't do this. I'm not the kind of person who—"

"Who what? Feels things? Has desires? God forbid."

I didn't say anything. Couldn't.

"Are they pressuring you?" Tara asked, her voice shifting to something more serious. "Any of them? Because if this is some weird throuple recruitment situation—"

"No. God, no. They're not—" I struggled to explain. "They haven't even acknowledged it. That's the strangest part. Jasper knows I spent time with Eli. He has to know, but he hasn’t said a word. There’s been zero freaking signs of jealousy. Eli totally saw me in Jasper's sweatshirt and just... smiled at me. Like nothing had changed."

"That is strange."

"I know."

"Either they're incredibly evolved, or there's something you're not seeing."

"Or I'm losing my mind."

"Also possible." Another sip of wine. "But unlikely. You've always been annoyingly sane."

I laughed despite myself, a short, broken sound. "I don't feel sane. I feel like I'm living someone else's life. Like I fell asleep in my car somewhere outside Atlanta and I'm having the world's most elaborate dream."

"If this is a dream, it's a pretty good one. Small town, handsome brothers, secret archive. Very gothic romance. Go all in, girl. Seriously. What’s stopping you?"

"You're not taking this seriously."

"I'm taking it exactly as seriously as it deserves." Her voice softened. "Are you happy?"