Page 90 of Wild Thorns

"We're not going to hurt you." Jasper, this time, his voice cracking slightly. "We would never hurt you. Just gonna sit out here for awhile, and talk a little."

I thought about Marcus.

About the first time he'd hit me. How I hadn't seen it coming, how I'd made excuses, how I'd told myself it was an isolated incident. How I'd ignored every red flag, every warning sign, every instinct that screamed at me to run.

I'd trusted my judgment then too. I'd thought I knew him.

I'd been wrong.

What if I was wrong again?

The Voss brothers had been keeping secrets since the day I arrived: the late-night disappearances, the evasive answers. The way they moved, the way they watched, the way they seemed to communicate without words; I'd noticed all of it. I'd filed it away under "eccentric" and "mysterious" and "charmingly strange."

I'd made excuses for them the same way I'd made excuses for Marcus.

But they've never hurt you, a small voice whispered. They've protected you, fed you, cared for you.

Marcus had done all those things too. In the beginning. Before.

"I'm going to sit out here," Callum said through the door. His voice was flat, controlled, utterly unlike the growling monster I'd seen on the porch. "However long it takes. I'm not leaving."

That was a lot of words for Callum. I pressed my forehead to my knees and tried to stop shaking.

I don't know how long I sat there. An hour. Maybe two.

The shaking stopped eventually. The nausea faded to a dull churn. My mind, which had been spinning in useless circles, finally slowed enough for me to think.

Facts, I told myself. Focus on facts.

Fact: The Voss brothers were not human; the claws, the fangs, the transformation. Like something out of a horror movie, except horror movies didn't capture the sounds. The wet grinding of bones. The crack of joints relocating. The snarl that vibrated in your chest like a second heartbeat.

Fact: They had nearly killed something tonight; right in the front yard. To protect me. A thought I forced myself to acknowledge.

Fact: I was attracted to all three of them. Had been intimate with two of them. Three if you count the kiss with Eli. Which I did, there was no denying that had been an intimate moment.

Fact: I had no idea what any of this meant, what they wanted from me, or what they would do if they discovered I had shared moments with all of them. They know, fuck, they know! What had that freaky stranger said?

"She smells like all of you. Like she's been rolling in your scent."

How could I know if I was safe? I was too close to all of this.

I stood up. My legs were stiff, my feet crusted with dried blood. I walked to the sink and washed them, watching rust-colored water swirl down the drain, and tried to figure out what to do.

I could leave. Pack a bag, slip out the back, drive until Magnolia Creek was just another bad memory. I'd done it before. I was good at it. The running, the starting over, the disappearing into a new life. It was the only skill Marcus had ever given me.

But the thought of leaving, actually leaving, never seeing any of them again, made my chest clench until breathing became impossible.

That's how it started with Marcus too, I reminded myself. The inability to imagine life without him. The way he'd made himself essential.

Was this the same thing? Had I let myself get trapped again, seduced by attention, care and the illusion of safety?

Or was this something different?

I didn't know. How could I know? I couldn't tell anymore what was genuine feeling and what was the desperate need to belong somewhere, to someone. I'd spent the past year trying to learn to trust myself again, and now I didn't trust anything at all. I’m broken. I am so fucking fucked up.

I walked to the door. Put my hand on the deadbolt.

"I'm going to open the door," I said. "Don't—don't come in. Just... stay where you are."