Page 23 of Defensive Indifference

I huff a laugh and make eye contact with him. “Maybe so, but you’re his favorite player.”

“I didn’t say he had good taste. I said he’s a good kid.” Koa’s laugh is infectious enough to ease my mind and laugh with him. “In all seriousness, I don’t think you give yourself enough credit. I’ve never met a boy so well-adjusted with a single mom. Whatever you’re doing, it’s working.”

I sigh and sink into the rail a little, letting it shoulder some of the weight. “I hope so.”

“Am I allowed to ask about his father?” He looks at me with the sort of hesitation everyone has when they aren’t sure if we’re friends yet, if it’s okay to dig a little into my life to get to know me. I hate that look. It isn’t some big secret. It just is what it is.

“He was my first and only love. We hadn’t planned on having kids, but when I got pregnant, I was excited. He was not. He encouraged me to end the pregnancy, and when I refused, he left.”

When I say no more, Koa goes rigid. “Wait. That…that’s it?”

“Yep,” I pop. “Nothing more, nothing less. A few years ago he got into some trouble and now he’s in prison, but he hasn’t contacted me since the day he left unless you count the court date for our divorce finalization.”

“What a—” Koa stops midsentence and clenches his jaw. “I’m sorry. It’s really none of my business. I shouldn’t have asked.”

“It’s normal for people to want to know.” I shrug it off, used to the questions after so many years. I chose my son, and my ex couldn’t handle it. If I had been a smarter woman, I would have noticed all the times he’d put himself before anyone else. All the times my hopes and dreams came second to his. All the ways he used me to stroke his own ego. It was an awful relationship, but I was young and too in love to see it.

“Still, I shouldn’t have asked until I got to know you better.” He digs in his pocket and pulls out his wallet. Retrieving two tickets, he hands them to me. “We have these free game passes to give out to fans and things. I’d really love it if you could bring Dustin to a game. I can show him around after and he can meet the rest of the team, if you think he’d like that?”

“Like it? Ha! He’ll never want to come home. Thank you.” The tickets Koa hands me say friends and family, but I don’t dwell on the thought that this man who I was on the verge of despising, might possibly become a friend.

I’m not so sure that can happen. Friendship between a man and a woman is one thing, but between a man and a single mother is something else. This could go horribly wrong when Koa moves on with his life—whether that’s a trade to another team, or he just gets bored—and I’m not sure I have the emotional fortitude to pick up the pieces when that happens.

I’ll take Dustin to the game, thank Koa for it, then work to put a wall between us that is strictly coach and parent. That’s all my son can manage. It’s all I can manage.

Chapter Twelve

Koa

“I really am a jerk,” I admit.

All I’ve been able to think about since I dropped Evalina and Dustin off at her car last night is the short conversation I had with her about her ex-husband. A grown man would have put his emotions in check rather than publicly humiliate a woman who is only trying to raise her son under less than great circumstances. No, I was so in my own feelings and focused on my own losses that I treated Evalina horribly. In fairness, I was also thinking of Katie, but as my sister so eloquently put it—that was a lame excuse.

“I know that. She knows that. Everybody knows, but don’t be too hard on yourself. It’s the first time in our lives we’ve had any sort of family hardship.” Katie packs the last of her things while Spencer watches us. He’s been a gracious host, but it’s time for my sister to get back to her home and to her work.

“Doesn’t that say something about us? We’re adults and we’ve never had any family hardship.” I scratch my chin and realize I haven’t shaved in a few days. I won’t have time before the game, which will annoy Coach since I look like a haggard, crazy man.

“I think it says we have some thinking to do, but one mistake doesn’t make you a bad person, Koa. She’s forgiven you. Just don’t do dumb things again like leading her on.” My sister gives me the eyes, the stare that says she knows I’m not a bad guy, but I better not prove her wrong.

“It’s not like that.” I push off the doorframe and take her bag.

“Says every person ever in a situation that is exactly like that,” Spencer adds, not wishing to be left out of our bantering.

“You be quiet. No one asked for your opinion.” I flick the bill of his hat and hoist Katie’s bag over my shoulder. “I’ll meet you at the game.”

“Where Ms. Renn and her son will be, I assume?” Spencer’s teasing knows no end, and we’ll never escape his place if we don’t ignore him. I let it slide, but a thrill of anticipation hits me. I’m not sure what it is about her that’s got me caught up in her, but I can’t stop thinking about her, her son, and how everything feels so…something when we’re together. One practice and one not-a-date have left such an impression on my mind, I’m not sure I could forget her if I wanted to. It doesn’t hurt that she’s given me grief like no other woman ever has. She could not care less if I’m a pro athlete, she’s not taking my diva attitude.

“Yep, he’s a goner.” Spencer waves his hand in front of my face while he and Katie stare back at me as if I missed the punchline of some joke.

“You didn’t hear a word I said. What’s got you distracted, dear brother?” Katie bats her eyelashes and pokes my arm.

“Both of you be quiet.”

“I can’t be silent when my brother is so hopelessly entangled in his thoughts about a woman.” Katie’s smile hides the worry in her eyes from everyone but me.

“I’m not hopelessly entangled. A little distracted? Yes, I’ll give you that, but I think that’s okay considering the circumstances. Now, are we gonna go, or am I going to be late for pregame?”

“All right, all right. You really are a diva.” Spencer grabs Katie’s other bag and follows us to the door where there is more blushing and awkward hugging between them than I care to be in the middle of, but I won’t point out that the two of them are equally as hopeless in their denial of whatever feelings are growing between them.