Page 34 of Defensive Indifference

“I didn’t mean to say something that—”

“No, no, please don’t apologize. You didn’t say anything wrong. I made it a big deal in my mind, when you were only trying to make conversation. You weren’t wrong either.”

“Well, that brings me to something I wanted to ask you. Would you please borrow one of my cars until you can get one? No time limit. I just want you to have a good car to drive for now. You’ve got enough to worry about for the next few weeks.”

Silence clings to the line like a weight, but I hold back. I don’t want to risk pushing her too hard.

“I appreciate the offer, but I can’t accept that.” Her voice cracks.

“You can. We’re friends, aren’t we? Isn’t that what friends do?”

“I guess, but I just can’t.” She’s barely holding it together, just like earlier today.

“Please don’t cry, Evalina. Not over the phone.”

She snickers and sniffles. “You’d rather I do it in person?”

“Yeah, actually. At least then I would be able to comfort you. I’m pretty useless over the phone.”

She’s quiet again, probably for far too long to mean anything good. Still, I wait. I don’t know why it’s this woman. I can’t put my finger on what drew me in at first, but all I know right now is that this sassy, feisty, strong woman is everything I’ve been missing in my life. She’s confident but vulnerable. Works hard even when everything is against her, and admits when she’s wrong. Evalina is, quite possibly, the most perfect person, even with her bumps and bruises and trauma.

“I should check on Dustin and make sure he’s getting ready for bed. He’s suspended, so I need to take him with me in the morning.”

“What time are you heading in? I can take you.”

“I have to be there at six, but Annie is getting us at five thirty.”

“That’s early for kiddo, isn’t it?” A plan develops in my mind, probably another one she’ll shoot down, but I can’t help it. I want to help her. I want to be there for her, support her, get her through this rough time. I want…Sakes alive, I just want her.

“There’s not much I can do about it. He’s suspended, and his sitters are college kids in class. Our neighbor is too old to watch him all day, and—”

“I’ll watch him. I’ll come to your place in the morning. If Annie can pick you up for work, then I can stay with Dustin and he can sleep. I have practice, so if you’re not opposed, he can come along and meet the guys, maybe even join in. Is that okay with you?”

Total silence. Nothing, not even deep breathing to indicate she could be angry.

“Then…when you’re done working…maybe I can pick you up and we can get dinner again like we did before? Pizza and games?”

More silence. Waiting. The absolute worst thing I’ve ever had to do in my life, which I realize is incredibly entitled, but patience has rarely been my friend. I want her to understand that I’m not willing to walk away, not like this, not when she needs someone in her corner. Walking away at all feels impossible, and I refuse to do it without a fight.

“I can’t ask you to do that, Koa. It’s a lot.”

“You didn’t ask. I’m offering. I’m begging you to let me spend time with Dustin. I might not know what he got in a fight over, but I’m guessing the kid needs…” I fade, realizing I’m about to put my foot all the way in my mouth. I have zero right to assume anything her son might need, let alone tell her about my suspicion. Problem is, half of the cat already escaped the bag and she’s smart enough to know my thought process. So here I am, cat half in and half out, while she merely breathes on the other end of the connection.

I’ve either royally messed up or shocked her into silence. Naturally, I can’t help adding on to my predicament.

“I just want to help. I like Dustin and want to help his future.”

After another breath of quiet, she relents. “If you really want to, I think he’d die of happiness. I won’t need a ride home, though. I actually have a date tomorrow night.”

She. Has. A. What?

Biting my tongue, literally, is the only thing that keeps me from asking questions that are none of my business. They aren’t. I might want them to be, but that does not change reality. She’s free to do what she wants with whomever she wants, but I am equally as free to hate it. Hate is such a strong word, but it is nowhere near as strong as it needs to be to fully encompass how I feel about her going out with another man. Not me. Some random man who is not me.

“Koa?”

“Yeah, sure. Okay. I can be there at five thirty. Is that good?”

“That’s fine, if you’re sure you don’t mind?”