Page 20 of Depraved

I accused him of looking me up and digging into my life.

He did those things, but I revealed enough of myself to him that he was easily able to find Lena Williams online. Some part of me always wanted Bones to see me.

He’s the only person I’ve allowed a glimpse at my true self since Brandon died.

No. He didn’t just die.

I ended his life with my own hands.

His ruined face flashes across my mind, and I can’t suppress a flinch.

“Does that scare you?” Rand asks, strained.

He’s asking about the fact that he researched me on the UNC website.

But really, I know it’s not uncommon for people to be curious about their intimate partners. People look up their dates online all the time.

“It only scares me because I’ve been keeping this secret for so long,” I admit. “I’m scared for you to know the real me. Karolina Taylor isn’t a good person.”

His chin takes on that stern tilt that makes me melt. “You’re good down to your core. I’m the one who isn’t worthy, but I can’t help myself. I want you, Karolina. You’re all that matters to me. I’ve already told you I’m not a good man. You saw it for yourself when I handled your stalker.”

“That’s not true,” I counter. “You killed him to save me. If I’d been strong enough, I would’ve done it myself. You’re not the only one who’s killed to survive, remember?”

“You haven’t done anything wrong,” he reassures me.

I squeeze his fingers. “You haven’t, either. If I’m not guilty for doing what it takes to survive, then you aren’t, either.”

He said the men he killed in the ring were criminals, but I can tell it bothers him that he took their lives.

We’re morally grey in the same way.

How can I judge him when we’re alike?

“I changed my name to run away from Karolina Taylor. I’ve been running from what I did for years, but I don’t think I’ll ever fully escape my foster home. Some part of me will always be haunted by what happened there.”

His thumb rubs my chilled knuckles. “The past can’t hurt you anymore. You’re with me now.”

I shudder as dark memories come flooding back. “It’s not just what I did to Carter and Brandon. The things that happened to me after I lost my parents…”

My throat closes, choking off my ability to speak.

“Breathe, Karolina.”

My name. My real name. He sees me like no one else.

I drag in a shaky breath.

“Good girl. Another.”

The praise bolsters me, and warmth blooms in my chest. It chases some of the chill away.

“Will you tell me about it?” he asks. “About your foster home.”

I stiffen.

“Keep breathing. That’s it.”

With his encouragement, I manage to stay grounded in the present with him.