Page 106 of Clinically Awkward

I should’ve known better. I should’ve seen it coming. But no... I stood there like an idiot while Fitz charmed my boyfriend into a bromance and derailed my entire plan.

Now Quinton, my actual boyfriend, the man I was in love with, was at a sports bar with my technical boyfriend, pretending to be his friend.

This was fine. Everything was fine.

I took another bite of pizza.

On screen, someone’s cake collapsed.

“Same,” I said to the TV.

My phone buzzed, and I ignored it.

It buzzed again.

Nope. I was not getting involved. I was not checking my phone.

It started ringing, and I looked at the screen: Winnie.

Oh no.

I answered. “Hello?”

“Vivian Marie Darcy, I am going to commit murder, and I need your help hiding the body!”

I pulled the phone away from my ear. “Jesus, Winnie!”

“MULTIPLE BODIES,” she continued, her voice reaching decibels I didn’t know were possible. “Five bodies. Maybe six if I count Colton, which I absolutely do because this is all his fault too.”

“Winnie—”

“Do you know how to dispose of a corpse? Because I don’t, but I’m willing to learn. I’m a fast learner. I have a shovel. I have access to medical waste disposal. I have motivation.”

I sat up straighter. “Winnie, what happened?”

“WHAT HAPPENED?” she shrieked. “What happened is that YOUR BOYFRIEND⁠—”

“Which one?”

“—got into a bar fight with your other boyfriend and now all five of them are in jail.”

I blinked, and then I blinked again.

“I’m sorry, what?”

“Jail, Vivian. J-A-I-L. The place where criminals go. The place where Fitz belongs permanently.”

“All five of them?”

“Yes. Quinton, Fitz, Gabriel, Nathan, and Hayden. All of them got arrested because Fitz—” She took a breath that sounded like she was trying not to hyperventilate. “Because Fitz cannot go five minutes without causing an international incident!”

I set my pizza down.

This was bad. This was very bad. “Okay,” I said slowly. “Start from the beginning. What exactly happened?”

“I don’t know what happened,” Winnie said, her voice still several octaves too high. “I got a call from the New Haven Police Department saying that Fitzpatrick Lovejoy listed me as his emergency contact and could I please come bail him out because he’s been arrested for assault and disorderly conduct and—” She paused. “Wait. Why am I his emergency contact?”

“Because you’re the only person who tolerates him?”