Page 55 of Lift Me Up

I lean down, pressing myself on top of his body, and I whisper in his ear, “Yes. Yes, yes, yes. Please. Come for me.”

I feel it wrack through his body, the tensing of his thighs, the arch of his back, the catch in his throat as he fucks me through his orgasm, the way he bites down on my shoulder and lets out a soft whine as he shivers. I kiss him, over and over, until he sighs into my mouth, and I know. I just know what it means.

When we aren’t completely boneless anymore, we stumble to the shower. He tenderly traces my skin with sudsy fingers and I do the same for him. Our bodies pressed together, he kisses me like his life depends on it.

I do have to dress an HS spot afterward, a small one on my thigh that I fully anticipate being not fun at all in a day's time, but that’s future Georgie’s problem. I pull the bandage out of the basket on the back of my toilet and once my skin is dried, I move to cover the spot.

But Noah’s hands come over mine, and he takes the bandage from me, and he places it gently and evenly around the spot without a word. We meet each other's gaze and my chest feels heavy. He looks at me like he’s seeing the stars for the first time. Like he’s seeing the most exquisite thing he’s ever seen. There are so many feelings—too many feelings—to feel all at once. I let him pull me down to the bed, let his arms hold me close, and let myself pretend that this is what it’s going to be like forever.

We stay like this for the longest time, until there’s a lube bottle cold and pressing into his hip, and we have to throw it offside before we find ourselves in a fit of giggles. When we settle, Noah lays on his back, and I curl into him. He pulls our current read off the nightstand table and he reads to me, until all that remains is the feeling of the kiss he pressed to my forehead and the world fades away until it’s only us.

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

GEORGIE

Life has a funny way of showing you how resilient you can be. It gives you ups and downs and no instructions on how best to navigate them. The way up days feel like nothing could tear you down. You can do no wrong, everything works in your favour and it's blissful and it's perfect. You never want that feeling to end. It also gives you the regular up days that feel like this is exactly how life is supposed to be. It feels good to not be down, and it's often taken for granted. Life can give you all these good days in a row. It lets you get comfortable. It lets you think you are invincible. Like nothing can touch you, nothing can bring you down from this moment, and then?

Life happens to take a turn, and it sends you crashing to the ground. There's no safety net; there's nothing to catch you at the bottom. Solid ground beneath you, hurtling closer and closer until you make impact. The only thing you can hope for is that the fall is quick and painless, and you're able to get back up again once you land.

I feel like I am right in the middle of this. So many good days, normal days that feel so right, that I start to psych myself out. I know the routine, the pattern, the inevitable bad that follows all this good. It looms and it grows. I can see it just on the horizon, just waiting for the moment that it takes over. It's an anxious, ominous feeling that I try to calm as best I can. Noah just happens to be a very, very good distraction that helps me try to forget.

I feel like I can't have enough of him. His touch sends my body into a frenzy, his eyes light up when he sees me, and I have to wonder if he feels as amazing as I do whenever I am with him. I have to remind myself that he is smart and confident and sure in what he wants. If he chooses to spend his free time with me instead of returning to his apartment or spending time with people who are not me, then clearly, he wants to be here and maybe that has to do with how he feels for me. Right?

Every time I think this is as good as it can get, this is as much as I can take before the pressure becomes too much before it tick, tick, booms into something I am not ready to let him know. Not yet. They always say in romance movies that the 'I love you' is the ruiner of the best relationships. 'I love you' changes everything. It turns a simple look of desire into one of longing and wanting for a future that isn't guaranteed, especially if the person doesn't love you back. And the thing is, I don't want anything to change.

I still want Noah to look at me like he's taking in the most beautiful sunset he's ever seen. I still want his fingers bruising my skin as he struggles to pull me impossibly closer. I still want the sound of my name like a prayer on his lips, his want and desire to be for me and only me. I still want the sweet morning kisses, the soft caresses of his fingers tracing my bare back in the wee hours of the morning, when he lets me sleep as long as he possibly can before we have to put on our big kid clothes and become a part of society, existing merely in body because our minds are back here, curled up in the sheets of the bed, our safe space that is only ours that we never wanted to leave in the first place.

These moments are also too much, they make me want to scream those three words from the rooftop and yet I have not once allowed myself to say them out loud. If I do, I know that it's only a matter of time before the universe hears me and sends something my way to dismantle the happiness we've created.

“What do you mean her sprinkle is in a week, and you haven’t planned it yet?” Franny interrupts.

Noah rubs the back of his neck sheepishly, “Go easy on me, Fran. I’m a very busy man and I haven’t got all day⁠—”

“Did you seriously just misquote the Little Mermaid to defend the fact that you’re failing your only sister by not planning her very first baby shower because you’re sexing it up with my best friend?”

“Have mercy.” He grins.

Franny glares at him, wiggling a finger. “No. None for you. Now, show me what you’ve got started, and we’ll see how well we can turn this around.”

I never imagined my life ending up like this, but I can truly say that this is one of the moments that I will miss when that looming grey cloud of bullshit starts raining down on the parade. I know it's a backwards way of thinking, but if you go into life expecting perfection, you should expect to be disappointed. If you live life with low expectations, you may be pleasantly surprised by the outcome if the anticipated disappointment doesn't happen.

I watch and listen as Noah and Franny still bicker over the Baby Sprinkle Noah has been delegated to plan as her only sibling. He's handed her his iPad, and she’s scrolling through his list of things to do for the party.

I can imagine it now…

To Do List for Baby Sprinkle (wtf is a sprinkle)

1. Find out wtf a Sprinkle is

2. Learn how to plan one

3. Plan one

4. Host one for Sienna

If all else fails:

Ask Franny.