Page 12 of Homecoming

I’d distract myself with planning my next blog posts, winging the whole series, when in reality I was trying to summon up the courage to face Ian after he’d walked away from me, leaving me standing in the pit lane, two days ago.

And there I was, alone in the crowd, watching the man that was something to me, but not being able to get near him, to talk to him, to explain things.

I was done with it. I didn’t want to feel the pain anymore. It had followed me all those years, and would go from numb to sharp just thinking of him. I turned my back on the podium, on the celebrations that were in full swing, and fought my way out of the crowd.

I didn’t know where I was going, I didn’t really pay any attention to my destination. I just knew I needed to get far away from it all.

I’d only had two weeks in this fast world of racing, and I was already spent.

The past two days had been brutal.

I was at constant war with myself, debating in my mind whether I should go and try to talk to Ian, or just let the whole thing rest.

The smart thing to do was go and talk to him, if only to convey my happiness at seeing him again and congratulate him on his success.

But, I was hurt, damnit. He didn’t remember me. And once the recognition hit, he was mean about seeing me standing in front of him.

I barely did any real work for Rylee. My blog was practically forgotten, and I missed the golden opportunity of going out and taking pics, trying to do something to write about.

“If you don’t start paying attention to where you’re going, you’re going to walk into something or someone,” a voice said in front of me, startling me. I looked up and Kevin stood before me, a smile forming on his face as he muttered, “Again.”

I looked around and saw I was standing in the pit lane. In front of open garage bays.

Specifically, Ian’s one.

Perfect!

Now even my subconscious got into the fight in my head and decided for me what I should do.

“Hmmm.” I turned to Kevin. “I know you’re right, but still I seem to not be able to stop it.”

“He’s not here.”

“Who’s not here?” I asked, confused.

Kevin tilted his head and for several seconds watched me. “He’s at the podium. Jumping up and down, and spraying people with champagne.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, oh.”

“I’m not here looking for Ian,” I said, trying to come up with something that would explain why I ended up here. I didn’t want to say I was walking aimlessly while stuck in my head.

“Sure you’re not.” Gone was the smile and the teasing. “Look, I don’t know what your angle here is—”

“My angle?” I took a step back.

“Yes, your angle,” he bit out before he continued talking. “But he doesn’t need your shit. He worked hard to get as far away from his past as possible. With you being here, it’s sucking him right back in, and he can’t afford that. Not now. Too much is at stake.”

“His past?” I whispered.

“Don’t play stupid, you know what I’m talking about.”

“So, you know who I am.” I sighed and closed my eyes.

Suddenly, I wished I hadn’t laid eyes on Ian again. I wished I’d never taken a step on Formula One tarmac.

“Yeah, I know who you are, and I know what you’re after.” His voice vibrated with barely contained fury.