Page 47 of Until Ace

He’s not aware of the magnitude of his actions.

Not even my father, who I begged over and over when I was younger to help me get her to understand, or to back off, or to just simply help me with something, even homework, didn’t do that. He was content to say, “It’s who she is, Mandy. She’s also your mother, and I know you love her. Be kind, and just let her be how she needs to be.”

It’s not until this moment, watching Ace shield me from her, that I understand how fucking weak my dad has been his whole life. I used to feel sorry for him, convinced she had beaten down his will to live. But now... now, I know he knew exactly what he was doing. He was shoving me in her face, hiding himself behind all my “transgressions,” which ranged from getting Bs in school to the one time I came home drunk. That was a mistake I never, ever repeated. That night seared itself in my memory, and I have shied away from alcohol since. But as long as I did something my mom deemed wrong, he could be certain she wouldn’t turn her eye toward him.

But now, watching Ace’s tense body, I know for certain she will not get a chance to go through him and get to me. It’s that kind of safety and certainty in someone that I always wanted and craved to have in my life.

And here I stand, witnessing it happen before my very eyes.

I never thought I would think this about myself in a million years, but how lucky am I?

To have that, even for a moment in my life.

God, I’m falling in love with him.

The thought comes out of nowhere, but it doesn’t scare me. It’s weird that I have feelings for someone who I’ve met just days ago and kissed a couple of times, but I can’t deny it.

“Who the fuck are you?” Ace’s low words interrupt my revelation and bring me to the present.

I peek around him and see her eyes assessing Ace before she leans a little and locks eyes with me.

“Really?” my mom drawls, stepping to the side to get a look at me. She only gets a second before Ace shifts minimally and blocks me from her sight again. But that second is enough for me to see she expects me to shut Ace up and preferably throw him out of my apartment, because he spoke “rudely” to her. I can read all that on her face in that glimpse of it.

From a very young age, I had to learn to read her expressions, or I would never have survived my home life with my sanity intact.

Although sometimes I wonder if I succeeded. Because allowing them to pull me back in cannot be a sane and healthy thing to do.

One... two... three... four... five....

I count slowly, inhaling and exhaling with each number. I need to gather strength so I don’t go off on her.

No matter how fucked up it is, I need her. I need her to step up and deal with Jim. I know, if I take the bait or say anything she deems disrespectful—and by that, I mean anything at all—she will turn her back on me and stroll out on her merry way.

Fuck that.

Fuck them all.

As I step to look at my mother, with Ace standing in front of me to make sure I’m okay and safe, I realize I don’t need her. I don’t need any of them.

“I see you're going with the mute version of yourself, as usual,” she murmurs and looks around.

Her behavior only manages to make me hyper-aware of the state of my home, my life really. As she purses her lips, I become twitchy. The nerve endings start zapping, and I feel like ants are crawling under my skin.

The need to rush and get everything in order, to get everything in its right place, is overwhelming. It’s only when Ace reaches behind him and claims my hand in his that I take a breath and try to ignore the panic.

I can't stand it anymore. It's awful, but I can't stand her either anymore. I want her out of my home and out of my life. With all that in mind, I square my shoulders, take a deep breath, gather my strength, and sidestep Ace, coming right in front of my mom.

Her eyebrow cocks, and a condescending smile plays on her mouth. This is a dance we’ve danced countless times. Someone makes a huge mess, usually Jim, and my family expects me to clean it up. Every time, I try to get them to do it themselves, but I fail. And in the process, my own mother baits me. I try to stand up to her and fail once again. Only giving her ammunition to harass me in some way until the next Armageddon strikes.

What she doesn't know is, this time, I have something to lose. Or better to say, someone.

And he did more for me in the last few days than she has since she gave birth to me.

I will not let her or any of their shit drag Ace through mud and ruin his life or his career.

“Why are you here?” I give silent thanks that my voice is steady. My heart is in my throat, and my palms are sweaty. I can only hope the tremors that shake all my organs are not showing on my face.

Hearing my question, her eyes shift to Ace in a warning to me to not speak in front of him.