Page 36 of Carte

I stood still in those shadows watching and listening as Harley Those vowed herself into the fibers of my body, and engraved herself into my soul.

I took a step powerless of doing anything but, not after seeing her like this. The real her. Not after longing for her for the last three weeks as I’ve been with her every moment of every day. Not after finally reaching my limit.

I had to have her. I had to know what she tasted like.

I knew it was dangerous, but with that one step I knew my life was changed. I just didn’t know if that change was for the better or worse.

But there was no second step that came after. She stopped playing, and laughed a laugh that was happy. Carefree. A laugh that rooted me to a place.

Shaking her head, she pushed her hair back with one hand, and tilted her head up. “You’re a damned fool, Harley.”

She sighed, and titled her head back down, her arms once again going around the guitar, “You know better than anyone, those kinds of dreams never come true. Not for you.”

It was like she was speaking to me. Like she was reminding me of a truth I knew all along, but decided to forget.

She was right, no matter my dreams, Harley would always remind me of that.

As she picked the song back up again, I slowly retreated into the shadows. And from there, right to my room, where I slowly closed the door not wanting to disturb her.

Turning, I picked up the piece of paper that was on the dresser by the door.

I only feel safe when you’re the one that’s looking.

Her lyrics taunted me.

No matter how I felt, those words weren’t for me.

And if I kept that up, I was in danger of becoming the stalker myself.

“Get a grip, Ryan,” I snapped at myself, and threw the paper face down on the dresser, and went in search of the cold shower number four of that day.

Afterwards, I walked through the house to lock everything down.

Harley was nowhere to be seen.

I lightly tapped on her door, but there was no answer. She was already asleep.

I knew she hadn’t slipped out since there were cameras and motion detectors everywhere.

I went back to my bedroom and tried to get some sleep.

But as I tossed and turned, it became more elusive.

The whole night Harley’s song consumed me. And, fuck me, but I let it.

I let it because I knew, no matter how much I wanted it, I would never have the real deal.

I would never have Harley.

And that killed.

Chapter Nine

Harley

I needed to get out of here.

I felt like the walls were closing in on me, and I would either combust from the constant longing of feeling Carter’s hands and mouth on me, or suffocate from holding my breath so I wouldn’t smell him everywhere I went.