Page 51 of Carte

Max took a step and gripped the side of my head, “You deserve everything that’s good on this Earth, brother. What happened,” he shook his head, “It wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t anybody’s fault except the fucker’s who pulled the trigger that killed Dad. Mom knew the risk that comes with the job. They both did. And they wouldn’t want you to close yourself to something good, something vital just because you’re scared. That’s not the son they raised.”

I kept my gaze on the ground. I knew Max’s words were true. Knew it down to my bones.

That didn’t mean that I wasn’t scared shitless. Just the thought of walking away from Harley once the job was done and she was safe, was ripping my insides. I couldn't imagine not having her in my life. But I still didn’t think I could cross that line.

“Do you hear me?” Max gritted out.

I jutted my chin in a barely there nod. But he got me.

Max slapped my face lightly, “I’m just a phone call away, Carter. You just need to pick up the damned phone.”

I felt like the biggest asshole, “I’m sorry I wasn’t there when you needed me.”

“No need for apologies. I knew, if I called, you would be there in a flash. But it wasn’t necessary. I wanted you to focus on your company. And honestly,” he shrugged. “I needed to prove to myself and to Skylar that I could and would keep her safe.”

I jerked my head in a nod.

I understood that need.

The same need lived in me when it came to Harley.

Max helped me clear the mess and to stack the chopped wood then. We worked in silence, but this time the strain of it was cleansing.

I went over the files in my mind, going through every possible alley there was, and trying to come up with a suspect.

“We need to comb over her team. It has to be someone from the inside,” the words left acid in my mouth.

I didn’t want to think it, but it all pointed that someone from her team was behind all of this.

“Do you have someone particular in mind?” Max lifted his eyebrows.

“Start with Tim and Sloane,” I said looking at the edge of the woods. “They’re the only ones from the top that know her location. And they have the means to pay a hacker.”

“Will do,” Max muttered and went back to work.

I looked to the other side then. To the largest window on the cabin.

A window that I couldn’t see anything through since the drapes were drawn. But I knew she was behind them. Safe.

For now.

“I’m going to find them,” I vowed. “I swear to God, I'll keep you safe, Dynamo.”

Chapter Thirteen

Harley

I yawned, and shuffled my feet down the hallway only to come up to an empty kitchen. Again. I got used to seeing Carter waiting for me every morning with coffee and breakfast ready. But for the last week that hasn’t happened. Sure, he was around. He had to be since he had to protect me twenty-four-seven. And we did spend time together, going out for walks, and sitting in the living room while I played softly and he read a book. He even brought his laptop and set it up so we could watch movies, but it was like he wasn’t really there. Since Max's visit, there has been no coffee or breakfast for me. I don’t know what happened that day, but Carter retreated behind his walls.

The pang of longing and pain hit me, and I rubbed at my sternum to relieve the ache.

I didn’t want to think about how much that hurt, but I had a poet's soul that thrived on suffering so I couldn’t escape it. How much I wanted him, how much it hurt that he pushed me away, how shut off he seemed. It was constantly on my mind, and I had only one choice. I poured everything into the music. I knew I would eventually have to walk away, to let him live his life, but I couldn’t even try to imagine it without blinding pain coursing through me, so I showed my head in the sand and instead of pulling away, of protecting my heart, I was just there. There for him in the only way he would let me.

I walked over to the kitchen counter and pulled the coffee maker to me. Shaking up my hand, I pushed the long sleeve of my oversized hoodie up to my elbow.

I tried to busy my mind with the morning preparations to give it a brief respite from thinking about Carter, but it was to no use.

I couldn't help but keep wondering why he was pushing me away.