Page 220 of Rebellious

“It’ll just add to your mystique.”

Laughing, he kissed the back of her hand and then released it.

“I guess you wanted to tell me before we ate in case I reacted as usual.”

“It wasn’t ‘as usual’”, bae,” he told her. “The Harley you turned into wasn’t the girl I grew up with and loved.”

Sadness pulled her features down. “It’s still the past tense.”

“I don’t know what it is anymore,” he admitted. “What you put me through…” He wouldn’t harp on it. He’d told her several times already. “I’m afraid to let my guard down.”

“I understand. I suppose I would be afraid too if the roles were reversed.”

CJ didn’t know what to say. He’d wanted to confess. If he waited until the end and their date went well, he’d ruin the entire evening. Despite Harley’s acceptance, awkwardness fell between them. Perhaps, he wanted her to show that what he did mattered to her. Of course, he hoped it wouldn’t be a full-blown crash out, but he hadn’t expected complacency.

“Uh, how’s school going?” Harley asked. “I’ve been studying a lot when I’m not helping Aunt Zoann.”

“School’s school.”

“The clubhouse is more exciting,” Harley guessed.

“Always.”

“I’m thinking about going to college. I was looking at schools on the East Coast.”

The idea crushed CJ. If she wanted a higher education, there were very good schools nearby. Then, he remembered her mother was there. “Because of Aunt Bailey?”

“Mommie doesn’t want anything to do with me.” For the first time since their conversation started, her eyes watered. She pressed her lips together and waited until her emotions were under control. “No, it’s because I want to major in business and there are very good schools out there. You should think about applying, too. We can put applications in for the same schools. Whichever one we’re both accepted to, that’s where we’ll go.”

It took her words a minute to catch up to him. When they did, relief swamped him. “While I wait for you to graduate high school, I can start prospecting.”

“You can,” she agreed, but something was missing between them.

He’d felt it for days. As they repaired their friendship, a chasm still existed between them. He didn’t know how to bridge it. And, maybe, it wasn’t Harley. He seemed detached from everything.

Harley took one of his hands between hers. “It’s okay, CJ. Truly. Whatever you’re feeling or not feeling. You’ve gone through so much. Molly’s disappearance was traumatic and her return was dramatic. That alone must’ve affected you terribly.”

He pulled his hand away. “And you weren’t there for me,” he told her. “When I needed you so fucking bad. You still can take one look at me and know whatever I’m going through. I hardly ever needed to explain. You just knew.”

“Same with you for me,” she admitted and leaned forward. “I miss you so much.”

They talked and texted every day, yet he knew what she meant.

“What does this mean for us?”

“I don’t know,” Harley admitted, even prettier with light makeup that accentuated her eyes, silver embroidered mini dress and simple jewelry.

Looking at her reminded him of all the dreams he’d once had. Except new ones had formed. Plans that deviated from what they always discussed.

“I don’t intend to go to college,” he announced, overwhelming peace settling into him at the realization. “Even to be close to you.”

“The club’s calling.”

He nodded. “Yeah.”

“I guess it means we have to take it one day at a time, CJ. Our bond broke. No, I broke our bond. That connection we shared that our cousins teased us about.”

If he and Harley didn’t end up together, he doubted he’d ever feel such a strong bond. Harley was all he’d wanted since before he knew what it meant. It wasn’t until last year that he’d stopped seeing her as one of the boys, his best friend, and thought of her as his.