Page 74 of Rebellious

“Does it hurt to have a baby, Momma? I know almost everyone says it does, but why do women keep getting pregnant if it hurts to bring kids into the world. So does it really?”

Momma glanced at Rebel, then stood and brought Jo to the crib between the two beds in the room and next to the rocking chair. After, she sat on the rocker and studied Rebel.

“It does,” Momma said, not detailing her meaning.

“I wanted Diesel’s baby,” Rebel said glumly. “I planned to name her Julia. I…after Jo…” Her voice trailed off and she shrugged. “I’m afraid of pregnancy, but…” She swallowed, thinking of the demand she’d made of Diesel yesterday. More afraid of dying young and not experiencing life and love and a baby. “You’ve had so many of us and you’re still alive.”

Momma heaved in a harsh breath. Jo made her little baby noises and Rebel smiled, so confused and frightened and disillusioned.

Jana crossed her mind and her mood plummeted even further. Rebel wasn’t sure how yesterday’s shopping trip turned into today’s confrontation. Jana was stressed out because of Diesel’s treatment and taking it out on Rebel.

Or, maybe, Jana was showing her true colors and Rebel should never have trusted her in the first place. She fell for Jana’s pathetic ‘poor me’ attitude, when she was just another wolf in sheep’s clothing. There were a lot of those motherfuckers around.

But Jana…?

Now that Rebel thought about how Jana had started to try to get Kaia’s attention whenever they were all together. How she’d confronted Rebel on behalf of Diesel. Maybe she’d been playing Rebel from the beginning.

It sucked that the thought hurt, as much as it was ironic that Jana always claimed to want to be Rebel’s sister and Rebel accepted her as such without hesitation.

Even if she was actually her great aunt.

Hysterical laughter bubbled up and escaped Rebel in a burst of overwrought emotions that turned into gut-wrenching sobs.

Momma jumped to her feet and rushed to Rebel, sitting next to her and taking her in her arms.

“Oh, my darling, I’m so sorry you’re so hurt. I’m so sorry you’re so focused on Diesel. Or Kaia. Or anybody, love. You have your whole life ahead of you. Babies are work, Rebel. A lot of work. They are hard on you, especially if your body is still developing, which yours is.”

“I’m strong and healthy. I’ll be fine. You’ve had a lot of babies,” she repeated tearfully. “And I know what you’re thinking. I’m young so it won’t work between Diesel and me. But you were young too.”

“I was still three years older and legal,” Momma reminded her, stroking her hair. “Hear me, sweetheart. Please. I was so lucky to have found your father. More than I can ever express. We worked because he allowed me to mature and I allowed myself to grow up. Neither one of us wanted me stuck in the same place I was when I met Christopher. A lot of relationships like the one your father and I have are doomed from the start.”

“But I don’t think Diesel and me are.”

“Is that what you told him when you asked to speak to him alone?”

She laid her head on her mother’s shoulder and nodded.

“Oh, sweetheart,” Momma said on a groan.

“But he told me ‘no’,” Rebel cried, just then realizing how broken her heart had been ever since. “He said he isn’t the man for me.”

“I don’t think he is. Until a week ago, you wanted Kaia and now—”

“Kaia wasn’t a fill-in,” Rebel interrupted, sniffling. “I cared about him and was happy to go steady with him. But he cheated on me. Diesel would never—”

“Diesel would do that and more, Rebel,” Momma snapped.

“Let’s agree to disagree. He might cheat on those other girls but he wouldn’t on me.”

“If that’s what you believe, then yes, we’ll agree to disagree.”

“Kaia humiliated me. I kept telling him if he only wanted to be friends, that was fine. I told him just don’t go behind my back. He did.”

“Let’s forget Diesel and Kaia for a minute. Let’s talk about the reality of motherhood. Childbirth is famously painful and infamously dangerous to women,” Momma said flatly. “Once that baby is born, your life isn’t yours anymore. It belongs to that child.”

Rebel started to cry again, more confused than ever. Though Kaia had hurt her, she still cared about him. She just didn’t trust him. Whereas Diesel was familiar and honest with her.

Did she like everything he said and did? No. She’d just stopped hating him, but he didn’t hide from her either. He showed every side of himself, warts and all.