Page 139 of A Baby to Seal the Duke’s Fate

She closed her eyes. The kiss remained with her anyway, warm and unresolved, until sleep finally took her sometime near dawn.

***

Honora thought of every question she had had since the day she first held the Belgrave shawl in her hands. Yet as she sat before the dowager, who was finally willing to answer them, it took her a moment to gather her courage.

She had already learned so much that had saddened and angered her. Could the woman say something that would lessen those feelings? Or would she only end up feeling more resentful than she did?

“Will you tell me about the night Celestine was born?” she asked after what felt like the longest silence she had ever endured.

The dowager duchess took a deep, slow breath before nodding. “The labor started before midnight and continued until nearly dawn. The physician had been sent for twice before he finally arrived. By the time he came, Celestine was already trying to make her way into the world.”

Honora smiled softly. She always was impatient when she wanted something, she thought.

“Did the physician react to her…different appearance?” Honora asked.

The dowager duchess sighed. “He was pleased at first. Then he looked at her properly in the candlelight. I have never forgotten his face. He said nothing at all. He only looked at her, and then at me with an expression I had never seen before or since on a man’s face; one which I still cannot accurately describe. I understood then that something had gone wrong.”

“Nothing had gone wrong.”

“No.” She looked into the fire as she said it. “But that is what his face told me. Perhaps it was that very expression that was the catalyst for everything I did afterward.”

Honora nodded, fighting against her anger. The dowager had cruelly sent her daughter away because of her appearance. But it seemed that she was trying to make amends in the only way she still could, now that Celestine was dead and unable to hear any words of explanation or apology herself.

“How long did you have her?” Honora asked.

“Three days.”

“And then?”

“She was taken to Wiltshire, and I did not see her again.”

“Did you hold her?” Honora finally asked.

“Every hour I was awake.” The dowager’s hands had gone still in her lap as she said it. “I believe some part of me loved her despite her appearance. She was my daughter, after all, and a mother bonds with her child before they take their first breaths. But that part of me was not bigger than the part of me that was afraid of my family being shamed and scandalized.”

“Celestine was beautiful,” Honora snapped, letting some of her anger be known. “On the outside as well as the inside.”

The dowager met her gaze then for the first time, and there were fresh tears in her eyes that began to spill down her cheeks.

“I know that now,” she whispered. “But perhaps, I might find absolution in giving Cecily the love that her mother deserved from me.”

“Cecily is not your chance to raise the daughter you gave away.” Honora’s resentment pulsed behind her eyes, making her head ache. But her heart ached more.

The dowager duchess dabbed at her eyes with a handkerchief that was clearly saturated with her previous tears. “I know,” she said again. “Cecily is her own, beautiful little person, and my granddaughter, and I would never treat her otherwise.” She paused, stifling a sob. “I just hope that wherever Celestine is now, she will see my love for little Cecily and understand how sorry I am for sending her away, and how I am giving her daughter the love I was too afraid to give to her.”

Honora took a deep breath, staring at the soaked handkerchief. In that moment, the dowager seemed more vulnerable and more sincere than she had ever seen her.

To her surprise, her anger subsided. She did not forgive her. She thought that might take a great deal more time. But her remorse was almost tangible, and her grief was genuine. Celestine would have offered a kind word to someone in such a state, even if she were angry with them. So, Honora decided to do the same.

“I believe that loving Cecily like any good grandmother should will put Celestine’s spirit well at ease.”

The dowager duchess looked up at her again. She still looked too ashamed to appear relieved, but her gratitude was visible.

“Thank you, Honora,” she said.

***

Two days later, about a week after Honora’s and Cecily’s rescue, a solicitor’s response appeared in the papers. She tried not to be too eager to read it, but Martha set the paper beside her breakfast plate regardless.