Page 86 of Beast

“Help me detox. I mean, Vic is giving me meds, but why do you hold me at night, rock me to sleep?”

I didn’t even know why myself. “You’ve been through enough. Gabriel needs his mom to be strong. You’re all he has—I killed his dad, who, granted, was a piece of shit. It’s the right thing to do.”

“So that’s it? You’re going to take me to my parents’ house, and I’ll never see you again?” Her voice trailed off.

“Yup. That’s the plan. I leave for training a week after you get back.” Truth was, I was stationed in Coronado, so when I came off deployment, I could technically see her again. Her family lived nearby in Encinitas. But that wouldn’t be a good idea. I trained sometimes eighteen hours a day and spent my time off at SEAL watering holes, like Danny’s Palm Bar & Grill. She wouldn’t find me hanging out at the country club with her friends that was for damn sure.

“What’s your deal? Why don’t you have a girlfriend or a wife? You’re a SEAL. All my sorority sisters would always go SEAL hunting in Coronado and drop their panties in seconds if there were any sightings. You’re gorgeous, sexy, selfless…any girl would be lucky to have you.”

Tell that to my ex. “Not really. I had a girl and she cheated on me. I’m a great SEAL, but I’m a lousy boyfriend. I’m never around, I can’t provide for anyone emotionally. I’m just not interested in a relationship. Not until I retire. I can’t be responsible for anyone else when I’m thousands of miles away. And my job is dangerous. I won’t get married while I’m in because if anything happened to me, I wouldn’t want to leave a kid without a dad, like mine did to me.”

She winced. Fuck, how could I’ve said that?

After an uncomfortable pause, she started again with her questions. “He was a SEAL, too?”

“No. He was a deadbeat who couldn’t take any responsibility for his actions.”

She put her hand on my shoulder, trying to comfort me. But I pushed it off. “I need to get some fresh air. I’ll be on the deck if you need anything.”

She shrugged her shoulders. “Okay. Good night.” She went back into her cabin, lay in the bed and pulled the covers over her head.

I needed a break from her, from this intensity. I wanted everything to be normal, my normal, before I’d ever set foot in that brothel.

Safe on the deck with no child or woman, I sat on the deck.

Vic handed me a beer. “You good?”

“Yup.” I took a sip and sat down. I didn’t even know how to process all the emotions I was going through. It had been so long since I’d had to think about a woman’s fucking feelings.

Kyle grabbed his own beer and sat next to me. “So, she seems better. Have you tapped that yet?”

Vic just shook his head. “What this fucker means is you aren’t getting too close, are you?”

“Fuck that, Vic. I just want to know if he’s gotten laid. They’ve been alone plenty while we’ve been babysitting and Annie’s clearly in love with him. We’re trapped out in the middle of the ocean, with only one girl and three of us, four if you count Dave. If I’m not getting any, at least he should be. I mean, you’re sleeping in the same room with her every night. Those walls are thin, but damned if I don’t hear any headboards banging.”

“You’re both fucking idiots. She just detoxed off heroin. She’s a recovering sex slave. What kind of sick fuck would sleep with her right now knowing what she’s been through? I’m not in love and I’m not going to fuck her. Not now, not ever. Plus, I’d never do that to her little boy. I fucking killed his father. I’m not going to marry his mother. This isn’t Shakespeare. That boy’s going to be fucked up enough, he doesn’t need me popping in and out of his life. She’s not in love with me; she’s just attached to me because I saved her. She’ll forget all about me once she’s acclimated back to her life. She’s got someone waiting anyway. Probably. He says he is.”

Kyle laughed. “That chump girly-man surfer? Please. He can’t compete with you. You’re a motherfucking SEAL, asshole.”

Vic motioned his hand toward me as if he was my fucking therapist. “So, you’re trying to tell me you have no feelings for her? At all?”

“That’s what I’m saying. I don’t know her, really. I mean, half the time she’s out of her mind crazy, detoxing. The other half she’s all moody and withdrawn. She’s hot, for sure, but I don’t have a clue who she is. I don’t even think she knows who she is.”

“So you haven’t slept with her?” Kyle asked.

“Are you deaf? What the fuck did I just say? I mean, I fucking met her at a brothel and paid her to blow me. I seriously doubt she’s interested in any man after what she’s been through.”

Vic put his arm around me. “You’re a good man, Walsh. When you get back to San Diego after our next training, you guys can meet up again and see if you have any common ground.”

“Not going to happen. I don’t want to remind her of this. I was one of her clients. She and Gabriel need someone stable. And that sure as hell isn’t me.”

“But you deserve to be happy. Not all girls are going to cheat on you like Marissa did.”

“Whatever, man. Your wife cheated on you, too. I know hardly anyone in the Teams with a good marriage. The only guys who make it work are married to their high school sweethearts. Mine cheated on me, so game over. And it’s not just about that. Annie is so messed up. She’s going to need a man who can be with her, take care of her, and protect her. I can never be that man.”

Kyle pounded his beer and looked down toward the guest quarters. “That’s the thing. You rescued her. You’ve been taking care of her. You’re already that man, whether you like it or not.”

Shit. I came up here to relax. Now I wanted to jump overboard. Fucking idiots.