Page 61 of Blue Moon

“Are you breaking up with me?”

He gave me a blank stare. “Yeah, that’s exactly what I’m doing.”

I blinked back the sudden rush of tears in my eyes and tried to remain calm.

“I know you love me. If we could just take a step back—”

“No, I don’t. I just want you to leave.”

“You don’t mean that. We were planning a winter getaway earlier today before I told you I love you, and now you want to dump me? You love me.”

“Dammit, Sol! Why do you have to be so narcissistic all the time? You only see what you want to see. Your world isn’t reality. You live in la-la land. Well, the world isn’t perfect, it’s a fucking mess like me, and you know it.”

“At least I’m not afraid of putting myself out there and getting hurt, because getting hurt only means that you tried to get the best reward—which is love.”

“If I fall in love with you, then what? You will just leave me.”

“I will never leave you.”

“Everyone leaves me.”

“I won’t. My parents have been married for twenty-four years, and they didn’t leave. I stick—I’m like peanut butter. Just let me love you.”

He took a moment and stared at me. For a moment, I thought he would come back to me, but he turned around, and just like that, he slipped away.

“No. I can’t. I don’t want to. You need to go.”

My compassion turned to rage. “I never expected you to be a coward, Sawyer. Now I see you for who you are. You’re nothing more than a scared little boy. I’m scared too. I’m such a mess with not knowing my purpose in life right now. But together we can be whole, and I love you, dammit.”

“I don’t love you.”

“Keep telling yourself that. So now what? Are you going to go back to womanizing? Call Veronica?”

“Yeah, something like that.”

“You’re better than that.”

“No, I’m not.”

I looked at his blue eyes, and they were icier than they had ever looked before. It was as if his heart had just slammed the door on me just as soon as I’d found a way in.

Sawyer was right. I had to leave.

I went into the bedroom and packed my things. Thirty minutes later, I walked out to the living room. Sawyer was sitting on the sofa.

I leaned down and kissed his forehead. “Bye, Huck. I love you, and you’re the best thing that ever happened to me.”

I called an Uber and went to the airport, where I bought a first-class ticket back to San Francisco.

Back to my perfect fake life. Back to where I didn’t have to feel anything.