Page 24 of Secret Redemption

Chapter Twelve

The news about his son had somehow broken the ice between Kanan and himself. For a second as the man he had thought of as a brother hugged him and slapped him on the back, the years slipped away and all the angry words and catastrophically bad decisions he had made twenty years ago disappeared. Pulling back, he saw the same regret in K’s eyes and wondered for the first time if maybe they could heal the breach.

“You got a picture?”

“Yeah, hang on,” he said, and slipped his phone out of his pocket and pulled up a picture of Riley from that morning. Holding the phone out he showed K; immediately he heard his old friend’s indrawn breath.

“Fuck, he looks just like you,” he said, taking the phone from Zack’s hand. “He could be you, except for the nose. He has his mother’s nose.”

Zack nodded and looked as well. “I see a lot of Catherine in him too,” Zack said, and instantly wished he could snatch the words back as he watched Kanan’s face close.

K handed the phone back and moved away, putting space between them. Zack felt regret like a lead weight on his chest. Bringing Catherine up with Kanan was a mistake. Zack had lost his sister and best friend the night she’d died, but Kanan had lost everything, and it was Zack’s fault. At the time, he’d seen no way to fix it and still didn’t in all honesty. He’d allowed K to take the blame for something that wasn’t his fault and he had been a coward to let it happen. His fear of disappointing everyone had let him be that man, and there wasn’t a day that went by that he didn’t regret his actions, and wished he could go back and do things differently.

“So, I guess it’s time I cleared the air with Celeste so can we get this show on the fucking road.”

Zack nodded, seeing there was no way he would get through to K right then. Deciding to let it go for now, Zack walked back towards Ava and Celeste. The young woman looked slightly shaken, and he worried that this was taking a toll on her after everything with Zin.

“Celeste would you like Ava and I to stay while you talk to K?” He placed a hand lightly on the back of Ava’s chair as he faced Celeste, who nodded. “Okay, why don’t we all go and sit on the couches and make this less formal.”

The other three followed, and he and Kanan took the chairs as Ava and Celeste sat beside one another on the couch.

Sitting back, Zack let Kanan take the lead. Celeste was his sister after all. He watched as Ava did the same. Her eyes met his for a second, and he saw a sadness in them, that he knew, without a doubt, he’d put there. For the life of him though, he didn’t know what he had done. She looked away, but he continued to watch her.

The curve of her throat, the proud line of her back, the way she flicked her hair out of her eyes. Every movement she made was graceful and seductive, and she had no bloody clue. His mind skipped back to the previous night and how she had approached him in the kitchen. He had seen the need and desire in her eyes, and he knew if her father hadn’t chosen that moment to walk in, she would have been under him on the kitchen table within minutes. The fire had always burned hot with them, from that very first kiss beside the barracks in Kandahar. She was like a drug. He had hoped if he took a hit of her he could walk away but admitted to himself that he would never let her walk away from him. Even without Riley in the equation, he would feel the same.

The memory of her had kept him going during his captivity, and he didn’t have a clue how he had kept his hands off her for so long. But that was going to change. Tonight, she would be his again, and he was never fucking letting go. Now he just had to convince Ava that they worked, and maybe one day she would come to love him.

With a jolt, he realised that he wanted that more than anything. He wanted her to love him unconditionally, not because of Riley, but for him and the man he was. The flawed man he was, he mentally amended.

Zack wanted to be the one she thought of when she opened her eyes. He wanted to be the one to protect her, to love her, to sleep beside her every night and know that he was her world as she had become his.

Never in his life had he felt like this, and the shocking revelation made him feel slightly dizzy. Why now when all this shit was going on did he have this epiphany that Ava was his fucking soul mate? Why had he turned into a hearts and flowers poet all of a sudden? He realised it was when he’d seen her with his son, and watched the way she was with Riley that he had fallen head over heels for her. Or rather that was when he’d admitted it to himself.

He would continue with his original plan though and not let on how he felt, so as not to let her think he was a pansy assed wimp. He would treat this like any other military operation he had conducted. Secure the objective and attack before the enemy could get their defence organised. In this case, the enemy was Ava’s stubbornness, and he would win her heart before she even realised he had laid siege to it. Coming out of his thoughts and concentrating on what was happening around him, he realised that Celeste was crying softly.

“Celeste,” Kanan said helplessly, “I did it to protect you!”

Celeste stood abruptly and swiped the tears from her face. “I know, but I needed a brother. Do you have any idea how lonely it is being able to hear the thoughts of those around you and not having anyone you can confide in? I spent the first fifteen years of my life feeling like a freak. Never wanting to be touched and freaking out when someone brushed against me. Hearing every vile or perverted thought in someone’s head.”

Kanan stood and approached her slowly as if she was an injured animal. Zack became aware of Ava moving towards him and grabbed her hand, pulling her onto the arm of the chair as she went to walk past him.

She glared at him but stayed put, and he softly stroked the inside of her wrist, feeling her pulse pound as they watched the scene in front of them play out.

“I’m so sorry honey,” Kanan whispered, and the emotion in his voice was clear for them all to hear.

“The worst wasn’t the evil thoughts I was subjected too though,” she said, as she let Kanan wrap his arms around her shoulders and pull her into him. “The worst was the despair, hearing fifteen-year-old girls who had been abused or the eight-year-old boy who had to watch as his father beat his mother. I had nobody to talk to about it,” she finished on a sob.

Zack felt a tear hit his hand as he stroked Ava’s wrist. Looking up he saw her eyes were filled with tears. Tugging gently, he pulled her on his lap and held her in his arms, his lips grazing her temple.

“If I could go back and change things I would,” Kanan said, and his eyes locked with Zack’s as understanding hit Kanan.

“I know you would.”

“I promise you, Celeste, I always looked out for you, but I know now that it wasn’t enough and I’ll do everything in my power to make it up to you.”

Celeste sniffed and looked up at her brother. “I just want you to be my brother,” she replied in a husky voice.

Kanan nodded, “That I can do. Now, about you getting a motorbike,” he said with a smile, and Celeste laughed.