Page 72 of Heartbreaker

I snort and turn away not wanting her to see the shame in my eyes, not wanting her to see how I have turned into him.

“She needed me, mum. She was scared and hurt and when she needed me I walked away. It’s my fault she got hurt and when she needed me I ran like the coward I am. I ran just like he did.” I feel her sit beside me, but I can’t face her condemnation.

“Like who?” She sounds confused, how can she not know?

“Like the bastard that fathered me.”

“Jackson,” she sharply and I look at her angry red face. “Don’t speak that way about your father.”

“Really mum, how can you defend him?” I stand and angrily I start to pace, my stride quick as I try to outrun the anger that burns in me.

“I’m not defending him, I’m defending me. Your father was not ready to settle down and I knew it, but I was so in love, so blinded that I didn’t care. He was a good husband to begin with and I loved him so much and I believe in his way he loved me. When you boys came along he was so proud, he used to take you everywhere with him, you especially were his shadow. You worshipped him.”

I sit with rapped attention listening as my mother tells me things I have never heard.

“He lost his job when you were in infant’s school, depression claimed him, and we fought about money, day in, day out we fought until one night I told him to go. I loved him, but I couldn’t do it anymore. We still loved each other, but we were toxic together and it was affecting you boys. So, he agreed. He stayed in touch for a while but as you know he has always been periodic. He still maintains that he doesn’t visit because he can’t stand to be around us knowing he let us down.”

“So why did I hear you cry every night?” I ask my voice husky with emotion.

“I was scared, I had two gorgeous boys to raise on my own and despite how it was at the end I grieved for what we could have had. I loved him, I still do in some ways, he gave me you and Jake and that is why I don’t hate him. How could I hate the man who gave me you and Jake?

“I thought I was like him, I ran away.”

My mother pulls me to her and I let her. “Jackson, you are like him in so many ways, but all the good ones. Your father was not strong like you are. You look after everyone, always wanting to fix things and stop people getting hurt, even if it hurts you. Can’t you see you are such a good man and I am so very proud of you. I know you feel you let her down and maybe you did, but nothing is so broken it cannot be fixed.”

“Do you think so?” I ask hope filling me.

“Do you love her?”

I answer without thought. “More than I thought possible.”

“Then you must fix it, this is not a practice run, Jackson and if you let her get away without fighting for her then you are not the man I thought you were.”

I nod but say nothing, I have a lot to process and my brain is Swiss cheese. My mum stands and goes into the kitchen, where she finishes making me breakfast. I eat it with her at my kitchen island and we chat about inconsequential things, it feels good.

I know I need some time before I rush over to see Ashley, I need to do this right. Figure out the direction my life is going to take, what changes I need to make for her to accept me.

Striding into the office, I glance at Lindy’s desk, she isn’t there. I lean over and spot her bag. Relief washes through me, she has been by my side since I started this business and she knows it inside and out.

I don’t know what I am going to do with this business, but I know whatever it is I want Lindy to help me set it up. I push open the office door and she is sitting at my desk. She looks up, her eyes quickly surveying me, she instantly hides the concern I saw and frowns.

“You look like shit.”

I fight to hide the grin on my face and fail. “So, do you, you old crone.”

She shoots me the middle finger as I move around my desk to her and sling my arm over her bony shoulder. She arches a brow at me and looks at my arm. Instead of removing it I bend and gently kiss her cheek. It is papery and thin, and soft a silk.

“Why are you kissing me, what do you want?”

“. Can’t a boss show his favourite member of staff some appreciation?”

“No, not unless it’s in my pay packet.”

“Not happening old lady,” I say as I scoot her out of my chair and switch my computer on. She starts to mutter under her breath. She does this a lot, I ignore it as I usually do.

“What’s on the agenda for today?” I ask.

“You have an appointment at eleven and then some calls with potential clients this afternoon and then you need to decide if you are going to replace that little shit you fired.” Lindy knew what had gone down with Ashley and Ethan. She also knew how I had handled it and unusually she was keeping her own counsel.