Page 44 of Wounded Hearts

Chapter 21

Three days had passedsince Lucy had come so close to losing her child and every time Mara thought back to that day it was with a mixture of emotions. Relief that Lucy and Jace hadn’t lost their most precious child, and precious it was to both of them. She only had to remember the horror and fear on Jace’s face to understand the depth of feeling he had for his wife and baby.

The other feeling was gratitude for Roz and what she’d said to her. Kicking her ass the way she had was harsh, and at the time she’d resented it, but it was the indignation and anger that had woken her up. Allowed her to see that she did need to fight. She’d fought so hard while she was with Brayden not to lose herself and not give up, yet when she’d gotten to safety she’d relaxed and stopped fighting. Allowed Drew to take the reins while she coasted.

Lastly, love that she felt for the man who’d held his arms out to her the second he’d seen her tremble. He’d given her time and now he was offering his wholehearted support of her becoming a full-time member of Fortis. He’d been so happy for her, and even cooked them a vegan dinner to celebrate.

More than that though, he’d shared his story with her. Telling her of his aunt and his father, how he’d come to meet Lauren. About her gifts, which she thought were amazing, and the other gifts some of the Fortis members or their partners had. Mara had heard of people having gifts but hearing what they all had was beyond surprising.

As she input the data from her physio session with Lizzie, the door to the treatment room at the Cunningham Estate opened, and Smithy put his head around the door. “Do you have a minute?”

Mara smiled at the man who’d helped save her even when he was in such a traumatic state he could hardly function. “Of course. What can I do for you?”

Smithy sat in the chair opposite her and Mara leaned back, giving him time to compose his thoughts. He looked uncomfortable as he fidgeted, but Mara waited. The anxiety coming from him was heart-breaking and she’d seen it more than she cared to think about with servicemen and woman of all kinds, but especially living in a military town like Hereford.

“I wanted to thank you.”

Mara cocked her head, confused by his words. “Oh. What for?”

“For helping Lizzie get better. I know the exercises you’ve given her are helping her mobility and pain.”

“That’s good to hear but she already thanked me, and it’s my pleasure.”

“But I need to thank you. If it wasn’t for me, she wouldn’t be like she is.”

Mara knew what he was referring to. Lizzie had shared her story with Mara on their first session together. “What do you think happened, Smithy?” She paused for a second. “Is that your only name?”

Smithy’s eyebrows shot up at her question and he gave her the first real smile she’d seen from him. “No, but let’s just say I don’t ever use my first name.”

Mara smiled, letting it reach her eyes as she faced this man who was stronger than he even knew but was punishing himself for things that weren’t his fault. “Okay. So, Smithy. Tell me why you’re to blame?” She saw the light dim in his eyes at her question.

“Didn’t Lizzie tell you?”

“She did, but I want to hear what you think happened.”

Smithy looked away and she saw his barriers going up and he crossed his arms. “I can’t.”

“Can’t or won’t?”

He stood and moved to the door. “I can’t.”

“Smithy, can I ask you a question?”

He turned and looked at her wariness in his guarded eyes. “I guess.”

“Do you think it’s my fault Brayden hurt me?”

Mara saw the shock and anger on the warrior’s face. “Of course I fucking don’t. You were a victim and now you’re a survivor.”

“Remind you of anyone?” she asked and saw the light go on in his expression before he closed down.

“Not the same thing. I was trained to be better. I destroyed a woman, took from her. Things she can never get back. There is no forgiveness or redemption for me.” With that he left, slamming the door behind him.

Mara tapped her pen against her notepad and then opened her laptop. Looking through the notes she saw Smithy had been referred to Peyton Lawson, an expert PTSD councillor and Physiologist, with a special interest in Special Forces soldiers. Mara knew her personally and respected her immensely. She wondered if Smithy had ever actually been to see her though.

Lizzie was making great strides in her emotional recovery and while she’d always carry the psychological scars of what happened, it was physically where she’d suffered the most. Hopefully the acupuncture and exercises they’d started would help with that.

Lifting her phone, she dialled Peyton’s number. It rang for a couple of rings and then went to voice mail. Mara hesitated with leaving a message and then decided she’d do what she’d always done before and leave a message for Peyton to call her. Mara set the phone down and looked at her watch as her tummy grumbled.