Page 22 of Fundamentals of Chemistry

He scoffed and started to turn away, but I stopped him with a hand on his forearm.

“If you want to ignore the syllabus,” I continued, “then fine. You teach your way, I’ll teach mine, and we’ll see who’s still here at the end of the semester.”

“Finally, something we can agree on,” he said, his eyes black in the dwindling light.

“Fine,” I snapped and pushed past him.

After that little exchange, my appetite was gone. I stormed down the path toward Brookside Hall rather than the cafeteria, trying to ignore the way my skin was still buzzing from where I had touched him. My phone was in my hand before I realized what I was doing, and then I heard the reassuring sound of Silvia’s voice through the line.

“Hey, babes! What’s up? I thought you had a thing tonight.”

“That’s right,” I said, and walked faster, away from the crowd.

Silvia immediately picked up on the quaver in my voice. “Oh, babes—are we mad or sad?”

“Both, I think.”

She hummed in acknowledgment, and I knew she was nodding her head too. “Talk to me. We’ll figure this out.”

Every twisty feeling I’d had since returning to campus poured out of me like a dam bursting. Hope and fear, optimism and doubt flowed out of my mouth in waves of words as I wound through the chestnut trees toward my apartment. I talked about Richmond and Cooper and my father and myself. And when I was done talking, I felt spent in the same way I did after finishing a half marathon—tired, but also lighter because the words were out. I didn’t have to carry this mental load anymore, at least not alone.

“I wish I could give you a hug,” Silvia said, and I couldn’t agree more.

Chapter 7

Fun Chem

Classes began Monday morning, despite the fact that I only felt half ready. This day felt both like it had been a long time coming and also like it had snuck up on me in the blink of an eye. My plans and materials were as ready as they were going to be, but a shadow of self-doubt hung just beyond my consciousness.

As I had on the night before my first meeting with Richmond, I slept like garbage, tossing and turning to unpleasant dreams about getting lost in a dark, twisty maze and showing up to class in my underwear.

Groggy as I was, showering and getting ready felt like more of a chore than it usually did. I fought a losing battle to tame my hair in the small bathroom, steamy from my shower, and try as I might, there was no fitting all of my cosmetics on the narrow vanity. My favorite eyeshadow pallet slipped over the edge and exploded across the hard floor. I pouted over the casualty but didn’t have time to clean it up.

By the time I was finally presentable in a cute blouse and my favorite purple trousers, which walked the fine line between classic and trendy, I was running very late for breakfast with Ashley. I plastered a too-bright smile on my face, hoping no one in the crowded cafeteria would notice that I had begun to sweat through the underarms of my shirt.

“Well, don’t you look cheery,” Ashley remarked as I slid into the chair across from her. “Are you ready for your first day?”

“I’m so excited I might pee my pants.” I took a sip of coffee and let the ritual of savoring the hot beverage calm my racing adrenaline.

“Maybe lay off the coffee until your break. More liquid is not going to improve your situation.” The severe woman regarded me with a disapproving grimace.

“I didn’t mean literally,” I said, but I still set down the mug.

Ashley looked at me through narrowed eyes, then shrugged it off.

“I know the feeling,” she said. “It’s a little like going back to school and starting a new job all rolled into one.”

“Exactly! I hope I don’t do something stupid and embarrass myself on day one. What if I’m the teacher who was so nervous that she threw up.”

Ashley narrowed her eyes and pursed her lips, likely even more concerned about my bodily functions. “I’m sure that won’t happen. And if it does, just pretend it didn’t. The students will follow your lead.”

“Really?”

“No, not really,” Ashley said. “Teenagers are ruthless, even to teachers. But I’m sure you’ll be fine.”

That was not remotely reassuring. My smile faltered for a moment, but I pulled it back in place. “Any last-minute words of advice?”

She took a bite of her parfait while she considered the question. “You’ve done the work. Just relax and try to enjoy yourself.”