Page 73 of Fundamentals of Chemistry

“How recent?”

He looked curious, not accusing, so I felt okay answering. “About two years. I was about halfway into the chemistry program at Columbia when I decided to add on the education certificate. Then I saw in the alumni newsletter last spring that Stephens was retiring, and it seemed too good to be true. I always loved Newbury. Plus my family approves of the school—we literally have the library named after us—so I thought maybe they would be okay with me teaching if it’s here.”

He nodded and a small smile tipped up the corner of his lips. “I always loved it here too.”

“Is that why you wanted to come back?” I set my plate aside.

“That’s a part of it, but there was more to it.”

The silence felt heavy between us. “And…” I prompted.

“And there was nothing for me in New York. My girlfriend left me for another guy. I couldn’t stay in our apartment, so I had to find what I could afford—which wasn’t much. I was miserable. Burnt out. Depressed. And then a year ago, Alan told me there might be a spot opening up at Newbury. He’s worked here for a while and knew about Stephens’s retirement before it was announced. Coming here seemed like the answer to all of my problems. I’d get out of my roach-motel sublet, finally earn enough to get out of debt, and be back around people that appreciated me.”

My dream of coming back to teach at Newbury suddenly felt shallow. While Jack and I were both here to take control of our lives, his reasons were much more raw and real than mine. I was trying to impress parents that I tried to avoid. And he was just trying to live a decent life.

Furthermore, he was doing all of this without the safety net that I took for granted.

I had cut way back on my spending after I moved in with Silvia, but I still had my platinum card. Without a steady income, I used it more than I liked to admit for the essentials, like rent, groceries, and skincare. And Columbia—the tuition bills were always paid without me having to lift a finger.

The card was gone now, but I still had a little cash savings. And most importantly, I didn’t have any debt hanging over my head.

The piece of privilege gave me options, options that people in Jack’s position could only dream of. I could go anywhere. My name still opened doors. The most Jack could hope for was to pay off his debt and maybe get tenure.

“And then you got here and found me in your way,” I said.

His face fell. “It’s not like that.”

“It looks exactly like that from where I’m sitting. Coming to Newbury solves all of your problems, makes your dreams come true. No wonder you were so upset to find me here. If I were you, I’d hate me too.”

Jack carded a hand through his hair as he regarded me. “I don’t hate you,” he murmured. “I could never hate you.”

“But your dream—”

“My dream isn’t going anywhere. I can want more than one thing.”

His hand cupped my cheek, and his eyes bore into mine, dark pools swirling like autumn leaves in the wind.

My breath caught in my chest, even as my heart began pounding like a drum.

He was so beautiful and so intense—and all of that intensity was directed right at me.

I was his dream.

One of them, anyway.

But he wouldn’t let himself have me. He was convinced that his wants were provisional, that he could only have one or the other. There was even the possibility that he would end up with nothing. He had grown up with some privilege, but nothing like I was used to. I wanted so badly to help him see that he didn’t have to choose.

He leaned in further still and pressed his lips against mine. The kiss was slow and deep, lacking urgency, but filled with a weight that hadn’t been there before. There was passion, but also something like longing.

When he pulled back, I took his plate off his lap and set it on the coffee table. Then I climbed over him, my thighs straddling his, and took his face in my hands. I kissed him sweetly, my hands sliding down to rest on his shoulders.

“I know we said last time was the last time,” I said, “but it hasn’t been twenty-four hours yet. So, it’s still technically the same day, and that means it all counts as one time.”

“Is that so?”

“Technically, yes.” I feathered kisses down his neck. “If you do the math…”

“I’m not sure I’m following you.”