Page 45 of The Fixer

I blinked away tears that felt like they’d come straight from my soul, and I looked up at Dr. Goode. “What do I do?”

She helped me every step of the way. From giving me a place to stay for the next week, to speaking with my professors and getting extensions for my homework. She coached me through the things I needed to say, the things one day I’d hoped to say to other women to help them recover from their own abuse.

I left Nathan. I had to threaten to smear his name through the media with the truth to make him let me go. And Dr. Goode stood by my side while my father and I met with lawyers and took out a restraining order on the man I once thought would have a permanent place in my life.

The next two years, I tried to heal. I finished college. I started working at a shelter with my best friend, Brooke. Though I still struggled with self-doubt, I’d come a long way.

And then I met Jet.

11

Jet

Eliza uncurled herself on the couch enough to take the steaming mug of tea from my hand. I sat next to her with my own, and I was glad for it. I needed something in my hands, something to keep me from reaching out and touching her. Something to keep me from inflicting the kind of damage I wanted to dole out.

A thread of light flickering in her chocolate-colored eyes reminded me of the sea. Of the sea foam green eyes that had looked into mine while Kosta’s words guided me.

It came to me in the shower. When I was trying to scrub the feel of Eliza’s body off my own, Kosta’s much-needed guidance trickled across whatever plane lived between us and made it to my mind.

“Have you ever learned self-defense?” I didn’t want to look at her. Didn’t want to see the golden specks that had sparkled with fear in the other room. But this was one conversation I needed to be fully present for.

“Like martial arts?”

The girl looked so weak. So frail when I wanted her to be strong. I couldn’t bear the thought that she’d been beaten down so much by that piece of shit, Devereux.

“Not exactly.” Without conscious thought, without my own consent, my hand was on her leg. And visions of what I could do to her swam before my eyes.

I could lean over her, push her back onto the couch, cover her body with my own.

I could dig my teeth into her flesh, spread her thighs and fuck into her until she could no longer think.

All it would take was a pull. I already held her calf. I could be between her legs in one quick movement.

I tightened my grip and shook my head. “It’s not the same thing,” I forced out. “There are so many forms of martial arts. But self-defense… it’s about protecting yourself.”

Those chocolate eyes dropped, and along with them, her face. “Oh.” The word was full of defeat, as if I were trying to get rid of her.

That son of a bitch.

“To keep someone from overpowering you,” I told her, hand rising to her knee. “To keep them from hurting you like you have been in the past.”

She whipped her face toward mine and I wanted to climb inside her and ease her pain. “How did you know?”

I swept a loose hair from her face, curling around the back of her ear. “I wish I could tell you it was a guess.”

A gasp left her mouth and her hand trembled as she raised it to her face. I set my mug down, then hers, then took her hands. “Eliza.” Her name tasted like Christmas. Like the cinnamon sugar cookies I’d been dreaming of since we first met. I had to stop myself from tasting her. Remind myself of what Kosta had shown me while he was still alive.

“Have you known this whole time?” She didn’t look at me as she asked it. Didn’t raise her head and confront me, but tucked her chin instead.

“No,” I promised, squeezing her hands. “Let’s just say, I ran into him in my other life. I put it together the other day.”

“You must think I’m pathetic.”

“I don’t.” There was a snap in my voice and I cringed when Eliza flinched. I gripped her chin, forced her to look at me. I wanted to show her what I really thought of her, but I didn’t want to scare her away. “I think you’re strong. I think you’re beautiful. I think you’re worthy of love.”

“You don’t have to lie.”

“I’m not lying!” Sucking in a deep breath, I let it trickle from my lungs at a slow pace. I released her hands, then buried my face in my own.