Page 44 of Say it Ain’t So

I hadn’t stolen anything from Rylan. When I left that morning, the only things I took with me were my clothes and my wedding band.

And a boatload of memories.

If anything, I’d left a piece of myself with him, and I knew I’d never get it back.

After sitting at my desk in the most uncomfortable silence, I couldn’t take it anymore. I pushed back in my chair and got locked in Rylan’s gaze as it swung my way.

He turned it back to his phone when I stood, though I got the feeling he wasn’t as interested in what was on his screen as he was in me. Somehow, that didn’t make me feel any better.

“Rylan?” I’d rounded the table where he’d propped up his feet and nearly stumbled when his blue eyes snapped to mine. I trembled as I lowered myself to the chair on the other end of the table, and I clasped my hands together to get them to still. “Can we talk?”

He dropped his phone in his lap and picked up his magazine. “You going to lie to me some more?”

Blinking, I opened my mouth to speak, then snapped it shut to keep from biting back. I swallowed and tried, “I didn’t lie to you⁠—”

“Joss Monroe?”

He dropped his magazine to his lap, and I shrank in my seat. “Okay. I admit, I lied about my last name. But everything else was the truth.”

“That’s it? Just your last name? You mean the one thing that would have helped me find you after you abandoned me in the middle of our fucking wedding night?”

My ring—which I’d torn from my finger before we left for lunch—burned a hole in the pocket of my pants. “I’m sorry, okay?”

Rylan didn’t seem to notice the waver in my voice. “Sorry’s not going to fix this, Joss.”

I reached for him, only to tear my hand back when he flinched. Tears prickled in the corners of my eyes, and I turned my face away.

“I looked everywhere for you.” His voice was a low hiss, and though I knew he didn’t mean for them to, his words wrapped around me like a warm hug. “All over Vegas. All over fucking North Dakota and Minnesota. I searched every goddamn town for even a hint of you, and you weren’t there.”

“I was hiding.” How I wished I could tell him where I’d been. That there wasn’t a day that went by that I didn’t think about him.

The harsh look on his face kept all my words lodged in my throat. I couldn’t bring myself to speak, not while his disbelief had me reliving the same terror I’d been so determined to escape from when I left his side that night.

“You did a fine fuckin’ job of it.”

There was a finality to his tone that broke something inside of me. I nodded, then rose from my seat. But I couldn’t take a step, couldn’t move away from him. I’d promised myself when I left Peter that I would live the rest of my life being brave.

“My name was Joslyn Michelle Ward,” I told him, proud that my voice didn’t waver too much. “I changed my last name to Monroe after I left Minnesota. I didn’t know how to find you and you never told me where you lived or where you were from.”

“And you didn’t stick around to ask.”

Outside, a gust of wind blew snow across the street, revealing a red blur as it cleared. I rubbed my hand down my thigh, feeling my ring where it rested against my leg. Then I turned my attention back to Rylan.

“I moved here to this city, hoping against hope that I could find you again.”

“Well,” he said as the door swung open and the cold Chicago wind blew through like a storm, ushering in my boss, Lee Bridgewater. Rylan tossed his magazine to the table and stood, muttering under his breath, “It looks like you did.”

Lee tore his hat off his head and shook his body like a dog, scattering bits of snow and ice to the floor. He looked up at me, a grimace on his face as he said, “Sorry ’bout that, Joss.”

“It’s okay.” I was moving toward the kitchenette, to where our mop and broom were stored, before Lee’s booming voice had me jumping where I stood.

“Dennis. Thank fuck!” Lee extended his long arm toward Rylan, and they locked hands and shook. “In my office. Now.”

How Rylan didn’t crumple into a useless pile of flesh in the middle of the floor, I didn’t know. Just hearing those words brought back memories of Peter yelling at me, minutes before he’d beat me for not making his dinner right. Those tears I’d barely pushed away before Lee stepped inside threatened to make a comeback as the two men turned to go to Lee’s office.

With my knees weak and my pulse throbbing in my head, I stepped around the melting snow on the floor, heading toward Rylan’s vacated chair.

Only for Lee’s voice to stop me.